The Choices We Make
by Buffybot
Summary: Sequel to THE MORE THINGS CHANGE...Tahiri is going through some rough times and is keeping everyone at arm's length to keep them from knowing the truth. But her inner struggles are only the beginning of her problems.
1. Attractions and Distractions

**Disclaimer:**  I don't own Star Wars or any of these characters (though like many people I wish I did).   They are all the property of George Lucas, or Kevin J. Anderson and Rebecca Moesta.

**Author's Note:  **This story is part of my continuing NJO AU series (which I have yet to come up with a title for).  It takes place about two months after the events in my last story "The More Things Change…"

CHAPTER ONE:  ATTRACTIONS AND DISTRACTIONS

            It was unusual for the jungles of Yavin Four to be peaceful.  The sounds of the native wildlife could be heard could be heard scurrying about on the ground or rustling in the leaves of the massassi trees.  But for Jaina Solo, this particular patch of the jungle was quite serene – for the moment, anyways.

          "What time is it?"  Ganner Rhysode asked from where he was lying on the jungle floor.

          Jaina lifted her head off his chest and narrowed her eyes in suspicion at him.  "Why?  Do you have a hot date or something?"

          He chuckled.  "Wouldn't you like to know?  Actually, it's because Master Skywalker wants me to fill in for him for his beginner lightsaber fighting technique course.  He thinks I can learn something from it," he said, his tone full of doubt.

          "Maybe he's right,"

          "I figured you'd say that,"

          A few hours with a bunch of younger students who were just learning the basics of how to handle a lightsaber, might teach Ganner a thing or two about patience.  Like she was one to talk about patience.  It didn't take much to get her going.  A trait she had undoubtedly inherited from both her mother and father.  Ganner, however, probably wouldn't mind showing off his saber skills and having a bunch of Jedi-to-be's in awe of him.

          "We should probably get going anyways," she said to him.  There was no need for Jaina to look at her chrono to know that they had been out there for hours.  And as much as she was growing accustomed to her 'outings' with Ganner, she knew the longer they stayed out, the greater the chance there was of someone stumbling upon them and realizing there was more then just a morning run going on between them.  Already there was talk of the two of them as an item throughout the Great Temple that housed the Jedi Academy. 

          Having everyone think – or at least at one point everyone had thought they were just going for an early morning jog, gave the two of them an excuse to spend time alone together.  It hadn't started out like that, of course.  Jaina had kept up with her morning runs, and Ganner had continued to join her on a more frequent basis.  One thing had led to another and before either of them realized it, the running had stopped altogether, replaced by long, passionate make-out sessions in the secluded jungle.

          Jaina would be lying to herself if she said she hadn't seen it coming.  After he had kissed her that first time there was no denying the attraction she felt towards him – maybe even before that.  They had decided to be only friends, but that agreement had not last too long.  They had grown closer then ever in recent months and that must have been what prompted Ganner to go and kiss her again.  After that, there was no turning back.  It was not as if they had actually agreed to be a couple or Ganner had professed his love for her.  For that matter, she was not even sure herself if they were in fact a couple.  They did spend a great deal of time together – but that was no different then from before.  They had started kissing more in past weeks, but did that automatically mean they were dating?  Not that that would be a bad thing.  She only wished she knew if Ganner felt the same way, or if for him their outings was a way for him to pass the time until the next one came along and caught his eye.  From the bits of gossip she had heard around the Academy, he had never taken an interest in a serious relationship before, so what made her think she could be the one to change his mind?

          "What's the hurry to get back?"  Ganner's voice cut into her thoughts.

          Wasn't he just the one who had said they should head back?  "The first reason being that I'm starving," she said, moving off of him.  "We should really think about eating morning meal before we come out here,"

          "And the second reason?"

          "The second being it's getting harder and harder to explain to everyone why we come back from hours of running through the jungle without looking as if we've broken a sweat,"

          She went to get up, but Ganner quickly turned and knelt over her on all fours to keep her from moving.  A mischievous glint was evident in his hazel eyes.  "There are other ways to sweat, you know,"

          She knew he was joking – unless he didn't value his life too much.  Nevertheless, it was his way of pressing her buttons to get her going.  "You're too much, you know that?"

          His handsome face just centimeters away from hers, he said, "what?  Did you think that just because we started – " he paused briefly and then continued, " – hanging out more I would lose my sense of humour?"

          The hesitation in his voice was unmistakable.  He had been about to say 'dating' but caught himself just in time.  Even Ganner did not want to presume they were a couple – or maybe he didn't want to commit himself to her by admitting it openly.

          She tried not to let it bug her.  "No, but I thought at least your jokes would start to be funny,"

          "Ha, ha," he said, pretending to look hurt.  He moved to get off her but Jaina grabbed the front of his shirt to stop him.

          "I know I said we should get going, but that doesn't mean we have to leave right this second," she said in a playful voice.

          Ganner grinned and leaned back down to kiss her.

          She wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and their lips met.  It started slowly, but it did not take long for it to turn passionate.  Before they could get carried away, Jaina pulled away from him.

          "We should really get going now," Ganner said, reading her mind.

          Jaina did not argue.  She sat up and brushed stray leaves and other jungle debris off her clothes and hair.  Ganner stood up and did the same.  They made themselves as presentable as possible before beginning the trek back.  The last thing either of them wanted when they got back was a bombardment of questions as to why they looked as if they had spent the morning rolling around on the jungle floor.

          As they began the walk back, Ganner did something he hadn't done on any of their previous outings: he reached out and took her hand – and did not let go until they reached the praxeum.

          Alone in his quarters, Zekk sat cross-legged on the floor with his eyes closed meditating.  _Attempting_ to meditate might have been the more accurate word for it.  Today was one of those days where he couldn't concentrate enough to get anywhere.

          Master Skywalker was the one who had suggested the idea to him originally.  He had explained to Zekk that meditation was a way of clearing your mind of jumbled thoughts and helping to put things into perspective.  It made you look deep within yourself to find answers to questions you had previously been looking for only on a conscious basis.  If you opened yourself up to the force completely, letting go of everything else, the meditation would act as a guide, showing the individual the whole picture from every imaginable angle.

          Zekk had been taught the basic mediation skills back when he had been a student at the Academy, but he had never saw a real reason to keep it up.  Looking within himself for answers he would come to eventually seemed pointless.  It was the things that he _didn't_ know, however, along with other uncertainties in his life that had led him to the path of Jedi meditation.

          After months of roaming around the galaxy, having no more figured out what to do with the path his life was taking then when he had left Yavin Four, he decided to turn the search inward – at Master Skywalker's suggestion.

          The Jedi Master sensed how frustrated Zekk was at having slipped down the dark path a second time.  Zekk didn't know what he needed to do to keep himself away from the dark side or even if he would be able to resist the temptation if the opportunity arose again.

          Mediating was not as easy as it looked.  The first few times he had tried it he had found it impossible to clear his mind completely and focus on the force and only the force.  How could he be expected to concentrate on something he couldn't see?  But he could _feel_ it, and was able to work out the problem in time.

          He had not come across any answers yet, but he was not any worse off then when he had started.  At least now it helped him to find a certain peace within himself when he did it.  Today, though, was not one of those days.

          His lack of concentration brought one word to mind: Jaina.  She was usually the reason when he couldn't concentrate on doing something.

          It was going on two months since his return to the Academy, but she was still treating him like he didn't exist.  There was the occasional 'hello' or nod of the head in his direction, but that was the extent of their conversations.  It was his fault things were the way they were between them.  He was the one who had refused her offer of help and then left.  He had never expected her to welcome him back with open arms – he had never expected her to be involved with someone else either.

          Ganner and her were so blatantly obvious it made him want to retch.  The way they would fight over the stupidest things to try and keep anyone from finding out there was more then just friendship going on between them.  Stupid, Zekk was not.  It did not take a team of the brightest New Republic scientists to figure out what they were doing every morning together alone in the jungle.  It certainly wasn't running that was for sure.

          He supposed that was his fault, too.  If he hadn't left, Jaina and Ganner never would have gotten together.  He could not even fathom a guess as to what she saw in him.  Ganner Rhysode was a self-important, cocky Jedi Knight who was way too old for her.  A point he had made to Jaina and she had bluntly told him to mind his own business.  He would, for now, but if he ever found out that Ganner had hurt her, he would – 

          He quickly ended that thought right there.  Great, just what he had wanted – to start the day off with jealousy and anger.  Two extremely powerful dark side emotions.  He needed to learn better control.  Either that or have Ganner Rhysode shipped off to the Unknown Regions.  The latter seemed much more appealing.

          When he heard the knock at his door, he was grateful for the interruption.  He was not getting anywhere with his meditation that morning.  He was only making himself more frustrated then he already felt.

          The centurion girl, Lusa, was standing there when he opened it.

          "Hi, Zekk," she began in her rich voice.  "There's a call for you in the communications room,"

          "Peckum?"

          She shook her glossy-haired mane.  "No, I think it's someone from Courscant medical.  He seemed anxious to speak to you,"

          That was odd.  He certainly didn't know any doctors on Courscant.  He better go answer the call and find out what he or she wanted with him.

          He thanked Lusa for coming to get him and set off at a brisk pace for the comm room.  He got the uneasy feeling that he should be worried.  Worried about what, though?   

          It was a short distance to the comm room, and that feeling of a knot forming in the pit of his stomach only increased with every step he took.  He tried to shake it off but could not.  

Before he even made it inside the communications room he could make out the voices of several other Jedi holding conversations with different beings in different sectors across the galaxy.   He sat down at one of the empty consoles where the New Republic logo was flashing and keyed in his authorization code.  The logo disappeared instantly, replaced by the face of a middle-aged human male with a reciting hairline.  The insignia on his lab coat clearly showed he was a member of Courscant Medical.

          "Hello, Zekk," the man greeted him in a pleasant voice.  "I'm doctor Ian Gellic,"

          That didn't help Zekk much.  He still did not know who this Gellic was and why he would be calling him.  He had no family on Courscant.  Everyone he cared about was with him on Yavin Four.  Everyone except –

          "Zekk, I'm afraid I have some bad news,"

          Gellic's pleasant voice was gone now, replaced by the grim tone that came from years of having to give families 'bad news'.

          "What is it?"  Zekk said, he hadn't even realized his knuckles were turning white from gripping the chair so tightly since he had sat down.

          Gellic looked extremely mournful when he spoke next.  "There was an accident at Bilbringi," he began in a grave voice.  "Peckum was running supplies to the refugee world when the Yuuzhan Vong showed up.  Peckum took as many people as he could and tried to escape.  His ship was severely damaged, but fortunately a couple of the refugees he picked up were experienced pilots and the ship managed to escape into hyperspace,"

          "How bad is it?"  Zekk asked.  The panic in his voice was evident.

          "Most of the passengers on board died from injuries sustained in the attack.  Peckum survived," he told him.  He hesitated momentarily before adding, "but it doesn't look good for him, I'm afraid,"

          But he was still alive.  That was what mattered.  "Where is he?"

          "He's being kept in the critical care wing of the medical ward inside the Imperial Palace," Gellic informed him.

          "I'll be there as soon as I can,"

          Gellic nodded.  "We can send a shuttle for you this afternoon,"

          "I have my own ship,"

          The doctor looked uncertain.  "Zekk, it may not be a good idea for you to fly right now.  You're still in shock –" 

          "Look," said Zekk, cutting him off impatiently, "You worry about Peckum.  I can take care of myself," 

Then he ended the transmission before the physician could argue with him further.

          He noticed now the numb feeling inside of him that had refused to go away since his conversation with Gellic had begun.  It only got stronger as the reality of what he had been told sunk in.  He felt like he was in some kind of daze and could not remember how he had made it from the comm room to the hanger bay.  He had flown the _Lightning Rod_ so many times it didn't matter he was barely conscious of performing the preflight checks before soaring out of the hanger bay.  He hadn't bothered to pack anything or let anyone know where he was going.  That would have taken too much time.  He could send a transmission to Master Skywalker once he was in space.

          If he took one of the shortcut hyperspace routes he knew of, he could be reach Courscant before its nighttime cycle.

          One thought rang clear through his mind as he cleared Yavin Four's atmosphere: h_ang on, Peckum, I'm coming._

More to come soon!


	2. Hidden Pain

CHAPTER TWO:  HIDDEN PAIN

          Tahiri Veila stepped into the private 'fresher in her chambers and locked the door behind her.  It wasn't that she expected anyone to walk in on her, but it was better to be safe then sorry.

          She took a long, hard look at herself in the mirror.  She felt a lot older than her fifteen years.  She no longer saw herself as the same naïve and adventurous teenager, whose big mouth had so often gotten her into trouble during her childhood.  Now, when she looked at herself, she saw someone forced to endure a lifetime of happiness and pain in such a short span of time.  She felt hollow on the inside.  Empty.  A feeling she had been fighting ever since her resurrection from the dead close to four months ago, but it never completely went away.  The closest she ever came to escaping it was when she was with Anakin.  She could not imagine a life without him.  He was her everything – her anchor – but not even that seemed to enough these days.

          There had to be something wrong with her for wishing the Yuuzhan Vong had left her dead.  How could she not be happy to be back with her friends and family, who mourned when they thought they had lost her?  Others would kill to be in her position, to have her life, when all she did was sit around feeling sorry for herself.

          Some religious groups in the galaxy would call the place she had visited briefly after death, Heaven.  Not being religious herself, she had looked up the meaning of the place in the New Republic databanks.  Each culture she had referenced shared basically the same viewpoint of what Heaven was, even though their beliefs on how to get there differed.  The most accurate definition she found was it was a state or place of extreme happiness one hoped to reach when they passed into the afterlife.  

By all accounts, Tahiri had been there.  It wasn't something you could explain in a physical sense.  It was more of a feeling – a feeling of being at complete peace with yourself and everything around you.  There was no hatred, only love.  There was no jealousy, only contentment.  You felt whole and somehow knew that no matter what happened to the one's you loved, they would be safe and one day you would meet with them again.  There was this certainty about it that was unshakable – until the Vong had ripped her away from it.

          The experience had been more painful then the amphistaff that had plunged through her midsection to send her there.  They tore her away from her parents, and for a second time had never gotten the chance to say good-bye to them.  That was what hurt the most.  Her short time spent with them was still fresh in her mind, no matter how hard she tried to forget it; they continued to haunt her by refusing to fade.  

          The Yuuzhan Vong brought her back to a galaxy full of vengeance and deception.  Where people acted as if they possessed no conscience and a war of the galaxy was raging on, continuing to slowly suck the life out of the New Republic.

          She had grown up with these factors and situations, but never before had they had such a profound impact on her.  That was because before she had never known what it was like to live without pain or fear, to know nothing but complete bliss.  She would give anything to have that feeling back.

          She wanted desperately to forget about her time in heaven.  It was the only way she could be normal again.  The only way she could go back to being her old self, without having the knowledge – or rather the burden – of some wonderful place she was no longer a part of hanging over her head.

          No one would ever understand because no one could relate to what she was going through.  She was a special case.  Tahiri certainly did not feel special.  That was what had drove her to such a disgusting habit.

          She rolled up the sleeve on her left arm, revealing a gauzed wrapped forearm covered in patches of dried blood.  She unwrapped the bandage and threw it in the wastebasket beside the sink.  Her bare arm was a mass of crisscrossed cuts, each no more then five centimeters in length.  Some were in the process of healing, while others looked more recent.  She examined the self-inflicted wounds on her skin.  It looked infected in spots.  Some of the cuts were swollen and red around the edges.  She probably should get it looked at before it got any worse, but not even a medical droid was completely clueless.  After running through its programming of possible explanations for the injuries, it would not take it's mechanical brain long to figure out that she had inflicted the injuries upon herself and would proceed to tell Master Skywalker what she had done to herself.  There was no doubt in her mind that the Jedi Master would put her under constant surveillance and expect her to tell him why she was doing this when it was really nobody's business but her own.  She could imagine the rumours being spread about how she was trying to kill herself.  People whispering behind her back, avoiding her in the halls, not wanting to be the one to set her off, and the long, pitying stares she would get when walking into a crowded room.  If she thought Master Skywalker would keep her under close watch, Anakin would be a million times worse.  He would be ashamed of her, but being the noble person he was, probably refuse to let her out of his sight, even though the sight of her would disgust him.  She did not want any of those things to happen.  She wanted to keep her terrible secret from the rest of the galaxy.  

          She looked at her arm again.  It really did not look all that bad when she examined it more closely.  It might hurt more when she made a fresh cut, but she could handle the pain just fine.

          Cutting herself was not something she had planned, it had just happened one day.  A few weeks before, she had been out in the jungle practicing Jedi battle techniques when she had slipped and cut her arm on a jagged piece of rock.  It wasn't that deep, but her instructor had told her to go the med ward to get cleaned up.  The uncompassionate med droid had thoroughly cleansed the wound, slapped a bacta patch on it and sent her on her way.  That was when her whole obsession with pain had started.  At first, it had scared her.  She had felt ashamed of what she was doing, but gradually the cutting became normal and the sight of her own blood flowing freely down her arms no longer bothered her.  It was the only way for her to release the pain she was feeling inside.

          She was careful to make sure no one caught onto her ill-formed habit.  She didn't go and run to the 'fresher every hour.  She did it when she got up in the morning and sometimes before she went to bed.  She left her wrists alone for fear that if her sleeves went up too high people would start noticing the constant bandages there.  Wearing long sleeved shirts would go unnoticed when most of the Jedi went around in their heavy robes even in the sweltering heat.  She had everything under control.

          The more she did it though, the less pain she would feel.  Was it because her body had gotten so used to it?  She didn't know.  But it wasn't just when she cut herself.  The other day she had stubbed her toe on the corner of her desk and started cursing like a wild bantha before she realized she felt only the faintest sensation coming from her injured toe.  When Tahiri thought about it, strange stuff like that had been happening to her for a while now.  Back when she had first injured her arm, the cold manner in which the med droid had scrubbed disinfect over the wound, had not been nearly as painful as past experiences.  Could it be that she was getting tougher?  She seriously doubted that.  But somehow, as impossible as it sounded, she felt she was developing an unusually high tolerance for pain.

          She pulled out the utility knife she carried in her back pocket and pulled it open.  She held it over the dozens of crisscrossed scars on her arm and looked at herself in the mirror again.  Before her ill-fated encounter with the Yuuzhan Vong, if someone had told her she would doing this, she would have called them mental along with a few other choice words.  But there was no denying what she was about to do – what she had been doing in secret for weeks now.

          The first cut burned briefly and then subsided.  Then she made a new slash.  She used to hold her breath when making the cuts but had gotten so accustomed to seeing a blade cutting through her flesh she no longer saw the need to do so.  She made another cut and then another.  She continued like that for another minute.  When it was over, she turned on the faucet and let the cold water run over the scarlet colour flowing down her arm.  She wiped off the remaining blood and wrapped her arm up in a fresh bandage.

          She left the 'fresher, catching sight of the chrono sitting on her night table.  It was nearly ten hundred hours.  She was going to be late for her class – again. 

Master Skywalker had wanted her to participate in some of his more advanced dueling classes, and having classes meant he still didn't think she was ready to be a real Jedi Knight.  While the rest of her friends were enjoying knighthood, she was still stuck at the level of trainee, having to attend classes with kids younger than her.  It wasn't fair.  She had been on more adventures and missions then most of the students ever would.  She could take care of herself if the need arose.  She was ready for the next level, but until Master Skywalker thought along the same lines as her, she would remain a Jedi-in-training.  

          Forcing those thoughts out of her mind, she hurriedly snatched her lightsaber off the nightstand and rushed out into the corridor.  It was time to start another day.

Jaina looked down at her tray of food and tried to prevent the disgusted feeling that was growing in her stomach from showing up in her expression.  Apparently, she didn't do nearly as good a job of it as she thought.

          "You do not agree with the chef's choice of cuisine?"

          Tenal Ka did not sound anymore enthusiastic about the meal.  At least she was able to keep from scrunching up her face in repulsion.

          "I don't mean to sound picky," Jaina said, examining the contents of her tray with a fork, "but I like to know what it is I'm eating before I ingest it,"

          She assumed the lack of appetizing meals in recent weeks was due to the food shortage in the Outer Rim.  With so many worlds under Yuuzhan Vong control, it was difficult for supply ships to make runs out this far without running into a Vong blockade.  The Yavin system was still relatively safe, but the New Republic's resources were so thinly spread with sending supplies to the countless refugee worlds, one moon that usually had less than sixty people on it, was not a big a concern as say, one that held sixty thousand.

          They weren't starving at the Academy – they got their share of supplies too.  They just got whatever happened to be left by the time the supply shuttle got out their way.

          Jaina supposed they could be a lot worse off.  At least they knew for sure their supplies and food were coming, and even if it didn't, she knew her Uncle had rations stored away in case of such an emergency.  Those stranded on refugee worlds didn't know whether their next meal would arrive – or whether they would live that long.

          With that thought in mind, Jaina swallowed her queasy feeling and began eating the green stuff on her plate.  It looked like it had been some sort of a salad at one point.

          "Where is Ganner?"

          Jaina coughed and nearly choked on her food - but not because of the awful taste.  Her friend sounded almost curious.  Tenal Ka, nosy?  She never thought she would live to see the day.  The thought alone was laughable.  The words 'nosy' and 'Tenal Ka' did not belong in the same sentence, let alone in the same paragraph.  _Jacen must be having an even more profound influence on her then even she realizes_, Jaina mused.

          Concerned at her friend's digestion problem, Tenal Ka said, "is there something wrong, friend Jaina?"

          _Yup, she definitely doesn't realize the effect my brother is having on her._  Fighting off the urge to break into a grin, she said, "I'm fine.  It just went down the wrong way.  You wanted to know where Ganner is?"

          Tenal Ka looked slightly uncomfortable at being confronted with her own question.  "It is just that you and Ganner have become somewhat attached recently, that I assumed he would be joining you for lunch,"

          Attached?  Ha!  Tenal Ka was one to talk.  Her and Jacen had been joined at the hip since day one.  A sudden realization dawned on Jaina.

          "Did Jacen put you up to this?  Is it killing him to know what's going on between me and Ganner?"

          Tenal Ka looked taken aback by her comment.  "I've told Jacen that if he has something he wants to ask you, he can ask you it himself,"

          So he had wanted Tenal Ka to confront her on the subject of Ganner and hers relationship, but she had refused.  Jaina suddenly felt guilty for thinking her friend would act as a spy for her twin brother.  She should have known better.

          "I'm sorry," Jaina apologized to her.  "It's just – well, you know, Jacen,"

          Tenal Ka nodded her head in complete understanding.  "He means well, friend Jaina.  He just sees it as his duty as your brother to look out for you," she was going to go on but it became evident that the young woman in front of her was no longer listening to her.

          She turned her head to see what had caught Jaina's attention.  Her eyes landed on a table near the mess hall entrance, currently being occupied by Ganner Rhysode and Anya Connors, a fellow Jedi Knight.

          Tenal Ka was not one to pay attention to gossip, but she had heard quite enough about the young woman to know that Anya had earned herself the kind of reputation most people wished to avoid.  That had to be the reason why Jaina was glaring at the two of them laughing and talking, while Anya continued moving closer to Ganner until got to the point where she might as well have been sitting on his lap.

          "Perhaps Ganner does not know you are here," said Tenal Ka, attempting – but failing to make Jaina feel better.

          Jaina shrugged, a feeble attempt to make it look like she didn't care.  "It doesn't matter.  Ganner can flirt with whoever he wants.  It doesn't bother me,"

          Tenal Ka raised her eyebrows at her friend.  It took her about half a second to see through that lie.  "Are you sure?"

          "Yes, I'm sure.  We're just friends," then in a much more lower voice, she looked down at her food and added, "who happen to kiss and make-out on occasion,"

          Tenal Ka's initial reaction was one of shock, but she quickly masked it.  She did not know why she was surprised.  She had sensed there was something going on between them for a while now.  "You should go over there," she suggested.

          "Why?"  Jaina said, tearing her gaze away from the other table long enough to look at the warrior girl.  "It's not like we're committed to each other.  We're not even really together,"

          Despite her words, the sight of Ganner and Anya together was bothering her a lot more then she cared to admit.

          "I'm not really that hungry anymore," she said suddenly – and that wasn't a lie.  She pushed her tray away from her and stood up.  "I'll see ya later, Tenal Ka,"

          Tenal Ka did not try to stop her and Jaina was grateful for that.  She wanted to get out of the mess hall as fast as possible.  To do that, though, she would have to walk by Ganner.

And of course, he noticed her.

          "Hey, Jaina – "

          She never let him get out the rest of his sentence.  She stormed straight past him, making sure not to look in his direction.  She was already half way down the hall when she heard him yell, "Jaina, wait!"

          She continued walking as though she had never heard him.  She was through waiting for Ganner Rhysode.

          "Jaina, would you let me in?"

          Ganner knocked on the door to her room again – and again received no answer.  He knew she was in there.  He had heard the door slam shut two minutes before.  He had been trying to coax her into letting him in, but she was refusing to even speak to him.  He did not understand why she was so upset.  She had just stormed out of the mess hall looking ready to strangle anyone who got in her way.

          He was fed up standing there, talking to a door.  "Jaina, I'm coming in whether you like it or not,"

          Without waiting for a response, he used the force to pick the lock on the door and walked in.

          "You can't just walk in here," she exclaimed when he was inside.  "I locked my door for a reason,"

          "And I opened it for a reason," he retorted.  "You walked out on me back there and I'd like to know why," he said, raising his voice to keep it even with hers.

          Eyes blazing, she said, "do I look stupid to you, Ganner?"

          "Actually, you look quite angry,"

That comment only served to make her madder.

          "Why don't you go back to _Anya_.  I'm sure she's disappointed you left so suddenly,"

          Understanding dawned on him then and he could not believe he hadn't realized it sooner.  "You're jealous," he declared.  He was practically gloating when he said it.   

          "I am _not_ jealous," she said crossly.

          "It's written all over your face – not to mention your force signature.  Just admit it,"

          "So what if I am?  What do you care?"  She snapped.

          He looked at her, confused.  "Of course I care.  Why wouldn't I?"

          She didn't answer him.  She would not even look at him.

          "Whatever you think you saw," he went on, "it's nothing to get all worked up about.  She saw me when I entered the mess hall and cornered me into sitting with her," he tried to explain to her.

          "It looked like more then just sitting to me," then, mostly because she was still angry with him, said, "but I guess it would look like that since Anya seems to be a lot more like the style you're used to,"

          She had said it to get back at him – and it had worked.  But the expression on his face made Jaina wish she could take it back.

          She had seen him mad plenty of times – usually when he was fighting her.  Not one of those times though, or any of the times when he had fought with Zekk had he ever looked that furious.  For a fleeting moment, she thought he was going to hit her, but it passed and nothing happened.  He stood there motionless, clenching his jaw, looking like he was fighting to keep himself from saying something he would regret later on.

          She had hurt him – pure and simple.  It was in his eyes and it slammed into her through the force, along with his anger.

          "Ganner, I'm sorry," she said in a low voice.

          "Even after all this time, you still think I'm like that," he said, ignoring her apology.  "You still don't trust me, do you?  Maybe I should go and find Anya,"

          She caught his arm to keep him from leaving.  "I'm sorry," she repeated.  "I do trust you,"

          He looked like he didn't believe her, but he made no move to leave.  That was something.  She had to make him see how sorry she was for hurting him.

          "What's really bothering you?"  He expected her to remain quiet or deny there was anything wrong, but she did neither.

          "It's us," she admitted.  "What are we?"

          "Well, I think it's safe to say we've moved past the friendship stage in our relationship,"

          Jaina blushed.  "Is that what you want – to be together?"

          "I'd say we're already a couple, but if you want to make it official…" he took her hand and led her towards the door.

          "Ganner, what are you doing?"

          "Making it official,"

          She left her room with him, and she immediately knew where he was taking her – the mess hall.

          "You're not planning on doing anything that will embarrass the both of us, are you?"  She was only half-joking.

          He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.  "You'll have to wait and see,"

          When he pulled back she saw Jacen and Tenal Ka approaching them.  She didn't know how much they had seen, but she really didn't care.  She figured Tenal Ka was coming to see if she was all right after the way she had fled to her room, but she wondered why she would drag Jacen into it.

          Still holding Ganner's hand, Jaina waited to see the look of relief on her friend's face, but the look never came.  Tenal Ka's troubled expression mirrored her brother's.  Something was wrong.  That much she was certain of.  She found herself gripping Ganner's hand more tightly now.

          "There was an attack by a Yuuzhan Vong fleet at one of the refugee worlds," Jacen said slowly.  He looked at his sister with saddened eyes.  "Peckum was running supplies to it when it happened,"

          Jaina felt herself go cold.  "How bad is he hurt?"  He wasn't dead, that much she was sure of, but the look on Jacen's face told her the news was not good.

          "He's in critical condition back on Courscant.  Uncle Luke says the doctors don't think he's got much of a chance,"

          Old Peckum had been a friend to her and Jacen since their training days at the Academy.  They used to help him unload his ship when he brought them supplies, and when they were home on Courscant, they would often run into him when they went to visit Zekk.  

          Zekk was bound to take the news hard.  Peckum had always been like a father to him.

          Jacen seemed to know what she was thinking because he said, "Zekk already knows.  He took off for Courscant without telling anyone,"

          Jaina did not think about what they needed to do.  They had to go to Courscant.  Peckum needed them – and so did Zekk.


	3. Alone Again

CHAPTER THREE:  ALONE AGAIN

          Peckum was taken out of bacta hours ago.  The doctors had informed Zekk that a bacta tank could do no more for the spacer pilot; his internal injuries too severe for even the bacta compound to heal.

          They moved Peckum to a private room in the critical care section, where he lay hooked up to a respirator and other medical devices to allow the doctors to continue monitoring his condition.

          Ian Gellic was there to meet Zekk when he arrived at the med center.  Gellic had been vague about the details surrounding Peckum's injuries when he had contacted him, which was why Zekk had demanded a detailed report of how badly he was hurt.  Gellic was completely upfront with him.  He told Zekk about the varying degree of burns Peckum had received and the severeness of the internal bleeding.  The next forty-eight hours would be the most critical.  If he survived them, there was a fifty-fifty chance he would make a full recovery.

That was more then a day away, and Zekk could sense that Gellic did not seem optimistic about Peckum even making it through the night.

          Zekk had not left Peckum's side except when they had taken him out of the bacta tank and then again now, because the nurses had forced him to leave, saying it was way past visiting hours.  He didn't have the energy to put up a fight, but he had no plans on leaving the critical care wing until he knew Peckum was going to be all right.  He'd sleep in the waiting room for a week or more if he had to.

          At that time of night, the waiting room was deserted, save for the one person who was sitting there, waiting for him.

          Jaina rushed over to him, and just stood in front of him for a few moments, unsure of what to do next.  When the indecision had passed, she put her arms around Zekk – somewhat awkwardly – and pulled him into a hug.

          "I'm sorry, Zekk," she whispered into his shoulder.  "How is he?"  She asked when she let go of him.

          Zekk could only shake his head.  He could not begin to form the words to say just how serious Peckum's condition was, and that the doctors did not hold much hope of him recovering.

          "He'll pull through," she tried to reassure him.

          He wanted to believe her, but he knew in his heart Jaina didn't even believe her own words.

          "What are you doing here?"  He said, wanting to change to a less painful topic.

          "My Uncle told us what happened.  We got here as soon as we could.  Jacen and everyone else are here too," she told him.  "But they figured you'd be spending the night in Peckum's room, so they were going to come by in the morning,"

          "You didn't have to come," he said to her.

          She looked surprised by his reaction.  "We care about Peckum, too, Zekk,"

          Of course they did, he hadn't meant to imply otherwise.  But no one was as close to Peckum as he was.  Sure, Jaina and Jacen saw him on his whenever he brought supplies to the Academy or on one of their occasional visits home, but that didn't mean they knew the old pilot any better.  Peckum was _his_ family not theirs.   He really wasn't up for an argument though, and didn't bother voicing his thoughts.

          "It's late, Jaina.  You should go home.  Your parents – "

          "Know where I am," she finished for him.  

He watched her try to make herself as comfortable as possible on one of the hard waiting room chairs.          "You don't have to stay with me.  I'm fine,"

          "Then I'm staying for Peckum," she informed him.  "And there's not a thing you can say that will make me change my mind,"

          Truer words were never spoken.  Once a Solo made up their mind, it was a waste of time and energy trying to convince them otherwise.  He could probably use the company anyways.  

          Drifting back to the conscious world, Jaina became aware of her face pressed up against something warm and hard.  She opened her eyes to find she had fallen asleep on Zekk's shoulder.

          "Sorry," Zekk said as she moved her head off him.  "I didn't want to wake you,"

          "It's okay," she said, even though it wasn't okay.  She really wished she hadn't gone and fallen asleep on him.

          Zekk looked like he hadn't slept at all.  She was about to ask him if he had gotten any sleep, when a squad of doctors and nurses rushed past them before disappearing around a corner.

          Fully awake now, Jaina wondered what was going on.  Beside her, Zekk's face paled, and he shot out of his chair.  He knew what was happening.  He had to get to Peckum before it was too late.  Without a word to Jaina, he bolted after the doctors.  

          He used the force to add on an extra burst of speed, feeling an increased sense of urgency growing inside of him with each stride he took.

          He stopped just short of Peckum's door.  He wanted so desperately to go inside, but knew his being there would not help.  None of his training as a Jedi would make a world of difference right then.  He felt useless, reduced to the role of spectator; watching a bunch of strangers that probably didn't even know Peckum's name, try to save his life.

          He felt Jaina's familiar presence standing at a respectful distance behind him.  There was nothing she could do either.

The two of them stood in silence, watching the doctor's efforts.  They were so thickly crowded around the bed, Zekk couldn't see the occupant of it.  There was no panic in their movements, as if they had far too much experience with this sort of situation.  Everyone played their part, and after several more minutes, they stopped their efforts and backed away from the bed.

 Dr. Gellic saw Zekk standing outside and slipped out of the room.  He faced the young man in front of him, his expression showing nothing but sympathy.  "I'm sorry, Zekk.  Peckum stopped breathing and there was nothing we could do to revive him,"

          Zekk grabbed onto the wall with a shaking hand to keep himself steady on his feet.  He felt the cold that had been growing inside of him increase tenfold.  He couldn't move or speak.  It was like he was stuck in some sort of trance and the air was being sucked out of him. All the while Gellic kept going on about forms and paperwork that would have to be done.

          "I want to see him," Zekk said calmly, when he found his voice.

          Gellic stopped talking and looked at Zekk hard.  "I don't think that's a good idea,"

          "I want to see him," Zekk repeated, his voice more forceful now.

          "Zekk – "

          "I don't really think you want an angry Jedi on your hands," Zekk threatened.  He could feel Jaina's growing unease as he came closer to losing his temper, but he ignored it.  If this doctor actually thought he could keep him from seeing Peckum one last time, he had another thing coming.

          Seeing as he had no other choice, Gellic told Zekk to wait there while he cleared out the room.  The doctors and nurses heeded Gellic's request and quietly vacated the room.

          Zekk refused to look at any of them, not wanting to see the pitying looks they were surely giving him.

          He waited until they were all gone before stepping into the room to say one last good-bye to the man who had taken him off the streets and given him a home.

          The only noise that could be heard in the room was the sound of Zekk's breathing.  The room's other occupant lay on a bunk with a sheet pulled up over his face.  Slowly, Zekk reached for the cover and pulled it back.

          He had to look away at first, the sight of Peckum's lifeless face was too much for him to handle.  He had seen plenty of dead bodies before, having spent a good majority of his childhood on the streets.  But it was different this time.  He was seeing someone he knew, and seeing it made his death seem all the more real.  He was no longer taking the word of some stranger doctor.  He was seeing it for himself.  As reality sunk in for Zekk, the tightness in his throat that he had been fighting back since first seeing the doctors efforts to save Peckum's life, overtook him, and the first tears of grief trickled down his face.

          He composed himself enough to pull up a nearby chair and collapse into it.  He had come to say good-bye, but he didn't know where to begin.  He figured the best way to start was by telling him what he should have told him years ago.

          He sat on the edge of his chair, leaning his elbows on his knees, forcing himself to look at his friend's dead face.  He owed Peckum that much – to look him in the face as he said his final good-bye. 

          "I don't know what I'm supposed to say," he began in a voice that was barely above a whisper.  "When my parents died on Ennth, I never really had a chance to mourn their deaths.  I was just an eight-year-old kid doing his best to survive onboard one of the refugee stations.  When Ennth finally become habitable again, I had nowhere to go.  No family to take me in.  So I did the only thing I could: I stowed away on the nearest supply ship and hoped for the best.

          "It worked for awhile.  I found ways to get money to live off of, but the streets were no place for a child.  I got into trouble with some of the local gangs on Ossus, so I snuck aboard this rust bucket of a ship in the spaceport, hoping it would take me far away from there.  I was right," he said, wiping his eyes.

          "When you found me hidden aboard one of the compartments, the best I could have hoped for was you would let me off wherever you touched down next – but you did better than that.  When you found out my parents were dead and I had no other family, you offered to take me in and I remembered refusing," Zekk's eyes glistened and a reminiscent smile surfaced on his face.  "I'd been on my own for two years then and had done just fine.  After my experience with a couple of orphanages, I wasn't exactly jumping at the chance to have another person tell me what to do.  But you gave me your word it wouldn't be like that.  You valued your independence as much as I did mine.  All you wanted to do was offer me some place to sleep at night, but I would be free to come and go as I please.  I knew I wouldn't get a better offer then that, and I accepted.  

          "I never thought we would become as close as we did.  I started helping you with the _Lightning Rod_, and even went on a few supply runs with you.  Whoever thought an orphaned kid and an old spacer pilot could have gotten along so well?

          "You took me in when I had no one, and looked out for me, even though it wasn't your job.  We took care of each other and became a real family.  I never told you this," Zekk said, his voice choking up slightly, "but I always thought of you as like a father.  You were always the one person in my life who respected me for who I was.  You're opinion never changed even when I went over to the dark side.

          "I've spent half my life trying to prove I'm as good as everyone else, but there was never anyone I wanted as badly to be proud of me as you.  That was part of the reason I decided to train to be a Jedi.  To show you that the choice you made to take me in all those years ago hadn't been for nothing.  I hope I made you proud.

          "I don't know what I'm going to do now.  I haven't been alone like this since my parent's deaths.  I've always wanted independence, but I'd it give it up in a second if it would bring you back.  I'll miss you.  I hope wherever you are, you're okay.  Don't worry about me, I know how to take care of myself.  Good-bye, Peckum,"

          Those last words had been the hardest ones he had ever had to speak.  And with his final farewell said, he truly was alone – in his heart and in the galaxy.

          Jaina sat alone in the waiting room, debating whether or not she should go home.  Zekk had been in with Peckum for over a half hour now, and would probably want some time to himself when he got out.  He was still her friend though, and they had been through too much together for her to just pack up and head home.

          She sat there biting her lip, a habit she thought she had grown out of, when Zekk appeared from around a corner.  He made his way over to her, but avoided eye contact.  That did not stop her from noticing the red puffiness under his eyes. 

She was supposed to be the one offering him comforting words, but she could not think of a single thing to say that wouldn't come out sounding lame, like "it's going to be okay." 

          "Do you want to go somewhere?"  She asked instead.

          "No, I need to be alone right now," he said, his voice hoarse.

          She understood.  He needed time to himself to deal with everything – and time to grieve in private.

          The only thing Jaina could do was watch him disappear down the corridor without another word to her.

Hope you like it so far.  I'll try and have chapter four up sometime later this week.


	4. A Timely Interruption

CHAPTER FOUR:  A TIMELY INTERRUPTION

          "Put it in the empty socket,"

          "Where?"

          "_There_,"

          Pause.

          "It won't go in,"

          Anakin restrained himself from letting out a sigh of impatience.  He had to remind himself yet again, that Tahiri was not nearly as knowledgeable or experienced in the field of mechanics like he was.

          "You're mad," she said, turning to look at him.

          "I'm not mad,"

          "Frustrated?"

          "Maybe just a little," he admitted.

          She let the cable drop to her side.  "I'm sorry, I'm so stupid when it comes to this stuff,"

          "You are _not_ stupid," he told her.  "You just need some practice when it comes to this stuff.  Isn't that why we've been doing this for the past week?  So you can learn how to fix mechanical junk?"

          Tahiri giggled.  'Mechanical' or 'technical junk' were the choice of words she often used when describing complicated technology or any part of a ship that didn't have a normal name like lounge or cabin.  What she termed 'junk' though, was an important part of who Anakin was, and that's why she had decided maybe it was time she learned the proper names for areas on a ship and whether port meant left or right.  Besides, taking an interest into what Anakin had been passionate about his whole life might serve to bring them even closer then they already were.

          "Let's try this again," Anakin said in an encouraging voice.

          They were only realigning the _Falcon's_ internal communications system because Anakin figured if anything should go wrong, it was not something that would prevent his dad from suddenly taking off if the need arose.  Even without it not being one of the more delicate systems, he was sure his dad would have a fit if he knew he was letting Tahiri do some rewiring to his beloved vessel.

          He was the one who had suggested that she learn some simple repair methods, after failing to meet her for lunch because he had lost track of the time working on the _Falcon_.  She was just a little upset with him to say the least for blowing her off like that, and the only thing that had saved him from getting his head chewed off was his brilliant suggestion that they work together.  She had been completely caught off guard by his proposal, and he wasn't even sure that she would agree to it.  Sometimes she could be as unpredictable as the weather.  She shocked them both by saying yes.

          They started off with small things, like the food units and the environmental controls inside the cabins, and once she had mastered that or Anakin felt she was ready for something more advanced, they had moved onto communications systems.

          As much as he enjoyed spending time with her, his idea allowed him to keep a close eye on her.  He would never tell her that, of course.  He wished to avoid that conversation at all costs.

          She was keeping herself closed to him, and when he tried to get through even the most outer barriers of her mind he came up against a solid wall.  He wanted to think it had started recently, but he had to be honest with himself and admit she had been like that since her return from the grave.  It bothered him that she wouldn't talk to him about it; that she didn't feel like she could confide in him.  He had tried several times to broach the subject of her death, and each time she would tell him she didn't want to talk about it or avoid the question altogether.  He could get through her defenses easily enough if he wanted to, but he would never do that to her.  He could never invade her privacy like that, no matter how badly he wanted to know what she was keeping from him – and Tahiri knew that.  The only thing worse than her distance was her strange behaviour.  She tended to avoid large crowds and kept to herself a lot.  She was becoming what he had been for the majority of his childhood and early teen years.  The idea that they had switched roles, that he had become the more open and outgoing one, was a scary one.  There was the possibility that they hadn't changed roles and Tahiri was just growing up, but the thought of her turning into a serious, mature person was as unbelievable as the thought of him turning into a chatterbox.

He watched her pick the cable back up and try again to get it to go in, but to no avail.  Anakin could see her frustration was mirroring his own.

          "Here, let me give you a hand," he said and got behind her.  He put his arms around her and grabbed onto the wire.

          Tahiri lightly shivered when he got so close that her back was leaning against his chest.  "I thought this was the whole reason we came up with the 'no contact' rule," she said as his hands slipped on top of hers.  "Because we kept getting _distracted_,"

          Anakin felt his face flush.  'Distracted' was an understatement.  He had problems focusing on the task at hand whenever she got too close to him and Tahiri seemed to have the same difficulty.  An innocent brushing of shoulders or a simple kiss on the cheek, led to more kissing, until they had both agreed to the 'no touching' rule while working.   

Realigning internal communications was taking a lot longer then it normally would have had Anakin been working alone.  But he had never enjoyed himself quite as much when working alone.

          "Do you want me to let go?"  He asked her, his breath tickling the skin of her neck.

          "No," she responded immediately, enjoying the feeling of being in such close contact with him.

          It was a strange feeling she still had not quite adjusted to – the need to be close to Anakin whenever he was around – and sometimes even when he wasn't.  She couldn't remember how long ago it had started, and it scared her a little.  She and Anakin had always been close – _as_ friends – but it was different now.  Their relationship was more intense then it had ever been before.  It managed to both thrill her and scare her at the same time.  He was still her best friend, but at the same time was so much more than that now.

          "Tahiri?"

          "Hmm?"

          "We should probably put this cable back in before either one of us gets electrocuted," 

          She felt her own face reddening then.  "Oh, right,"

          All business now, Anakin helped her snap the cable back into the correct spot.

          "You were just trying to put it in the wrong port, that's all," he said, sliding his arms off hers, and sitting down on the deck plates.

          She closed the service panel and joined him on the floor.  "What's next?"

          "Well, the food processing units could use another adjustment and then there's the starboard engine –"

          "That's not what I meant, dummy," she said, stopping him in mid sentence, using her childhood nickname for him, which now carried a lot more affection then it used to.

          Before he could respond she planted her lips firmly against his.

          Anakin recovered from his slightly stunned state enough to kiss her back.  Tahiri scooted closer to him and kissed him harder.  His hands slipped down to her waist while her fingers ran through the hair on the back of his head.  Their kissing intensified, as was usual of late.  He didn't think it was possible but he pulled her closer to him.  Tahiri gave a little gasp as his body pressed into hers, and let her hands roam down to his back.  Without even realizing what he was doing, he had Tahiri lying on her back, with himself leaning over her.  They both hesitated.  This was new territory for them both, and though it felt natural and right, neither one was sure if they should continue.

          "Anakin, you in here?"  A roguish voice called.

          They both froze, panic evident in their eyes. 

          "Sith, it's my dad," Anakin whispered.  He wasn't sure what he was more afraid of: his father catching Tahiri and him alone in the back of his ship or him finding out he was teaching Tahiri about rewiring using his ship as the test subject.  Considering their current position, which would take a lot of explaining, he assumed the former.

          "Anakin, are you here?"

          "Yeah, just give me a second," he yelled, scrambling to get off of her.  He grabbed Tahiri's hand and hauled her to her feet.  "Come on," 

          He hurried her into one of the cabins onboard.  "Stay here until I come get you, okay?  I'll go deal with my dad,"

          "Anakin – "

          Anakin wasn't listening to her.  He was already hurrying through the ship to meet his father.  If he valued his future, he would have to make sure his dad didn't notice anything amiss – because a suspicious Solo was a relentless Solo, and he did not need that right now.

He found him leaning against a bulkhead near the opening to the lounge.

          "What are you doing here?"  Anakin said before he could stop himself.

          Han Solo gave his son a strange look, somewhere between a frown and a look of amusement.  "What am _I_ doing here?  This is _my_ ship, remember?  But that's beside the point.  I'm here because your mom was worried about you missing dinner,"

          Dinner?  It was that late already?  "I wasn't hungry," was his quick thinking excuse.

          "Doesn't bother me," his dad said with a shrug, "but you know how your mom gets when she plans one of her 'family nights' and one or more parties neglect to show up,"

          "Yeah, I know,"

          "Something wrong, Anakin?"  Han said, concerned.  "You look a little pale.  You're not coming down with something, are you?"

          "I'm fine," he said a little too quickly.  "I've just been stuck here all day fixing things,"

          "You should've come get me.  I could've given you a hand,"

Anakin simply nodded, thinking the extra hand he did have that day might get him into a whole load of trouble if he wasn't careful.

"What did you work on anyways?"

          Anakin opened his mouth to respond, but closed it when he drew a blank.  He knew they had been working on something to do with the _Falcon's_ communications systems, but images of kissing Tahiri and what might have happened had his dad not shown up, were still fresh in his mind and he couldn't think any farther back then that.

          "I fixed the aft thrusters," he told him.  That was the first thing that popped into his head.  "You know how they've been giving you trouble lately,"

          That last part was true, but since he hadn't actually fixed them he was going to have to now – and hopefully before his dad found out he was lying.

          "Uh-huh," Han said, nodding his head.  "And they're working fine now?"

          "Yes,"

          "Well, I'll let you get back to your work and I'll tell your mother you had a good excuse for missing family night,"

          "Thanks,"

          Anakin had to fight hard to keep his relief from showing up on his expression.

Han went to leave, but then turned back to his son as if just remembering something.  "I almost forgot.  Your mom wanted to ask Tahiri to dinner, but when she called Tionne said she hasn't seen her all day,"

          "Oh?"  Anakin gulped, unable to keep the guilty look off his face.

          "Do you know where she is?"

          "Haven't seen her," Anakin responded before the whole sentence was out of his dad's mouth.

          "I just kinda figured she'd be with you," said Han, successfully managing to keep the amused look off his face.  "But if Tionne or Kam call looking for her I'll tell 'em you haven't seen her either.  I'll see you back at the house, unless you want me to stay and give you a hand?"

          Anakin fervently shook his head.  "No, dad, that' all right.  Tell mom I'll be home in a little while, okay?"

          "Whatever you say," was Han's response, and then he disembarked from the ship.

          At last, Anakin heaved a gigantic sigh of relief and collapsed down into the self-conforming couch in the lounge.  That had been close.  Thank the stars it wasn't his mother or worse yet, one of his siblings that had found them.  They would have figured out what was going on right from the start.

          "That was some performance, Anakin," said Tahiri, coming into view.  She was grinning from ear to ear. "I had to cover my face to keep from laughing.  Especially during that last part,"

          Anakin did not see the humour in almost getting caught together by his dad.  "I'm glad you found it so amusing.  Next time, I'll let you explain to my dad what we're doing while I run and hide,"

          "You're such a terrible liar," she told him, coming over to join him on the couch.

          "I think my dad noticed that.  I got the feeling he knew I was lying, when he asked about you,"

          "Maybe your appearance gave it away," she said, unable to contain her laughter any longer.

          He stared down at his rumpled clothes and then ran a hand through his unruly hair.  He groaned.

          "It could be worse," Tahiri said in an optimistic voice.  "At least your brother or sister weren't the ones to come looking for you,"

          "And I don't want to press my luck," he said, getting to his feet.  "I'll walk you home," he extended a hand to help her up.

          She took it.  "Uh, Anakin, don't you think we ought to make ourselves a bit more presentable first?"

          For the first time, he noticed her messy hair and clothes were in the same wrinkled condition as his own.  "Right.  I forgot about that,"

          They didn't talk about what his dad almost walked in on, mostly because neither one was sure what had happened.  It made for a quiet and rather awkward walk back up into the Palace, and when he dropped Tahiri off at home and said goodnight, Anakin had never been so relieved to be away from her. 

          It was unusual for the Solo home to be so quiet in the evening when the entire family was together on the planet.  It was even more unusual for Jaina to be sitting on a couch in the living room area with nothing better to do then flip through the channels on the holovid.

          Her mother was upstairs going over the speech she would be giving the senate at the end of the week and her father was out looking for Anakin after he was a no-show at dinner.  Jacen was off somewhere too, though she did not have the slightest idea where.

          It was nice to have a quiet evening at home for the first time in as long as she could remember.  The galaxy was not going to fall apart if she took one night off.

          That was when she heard the door chime to the apartment ring

          _So much for an uneventful evening at home_, she thought to herself and went to answer the door.  She knew who it was before she even made it halfway there, and that's what caused her to pause briefly before opening it.

          "Hey," Ganner said to her.  "Can I come in?"

          She gestured for him to come inside and shut the door behind him.

          "Is this a bad time?"

          "No," she said, turning off the holovid.  "I was just catching up on some holovision.  It's been awhile since I had the time to watch any,"

          "Did you get my messages?"  He asked suddenly.

          She had.  Her brothers had given her every holo message Ganner had left for her over the past three days.  The last time she had spoken with him was when they had landed on Courscant and she had immediately taken off for the med center.

          "Well, did you?"  Ganner prompted her.

          "Yes.  But I've been busy,"

          "Jaina," he began in a sympathetic voice, "I understand Peckum meant a lot to you, but that doesn't mean you have to shut me out,"

          "I wasn't – I just needed some time,"

          "How's Zekk?"  

          She tried to detect any resentment in his voice, but surprisingly his concern was genuine.  That was almost impossible to believe considering the usual animosity he felt towards Zekk.

          "How should I know?  I haven't heard from Zekk since it happened," 

She stopped herself just short of saying she had left him a couple messages but had gotten no response back.  She knew how Ganner would react if he knew she had tried to reach Zekk, when she had made no attempts to contact him.

          "You should stop worrying about him so much.  You of all people should know that he's more than capable of taking care of himself,"

          Jaina shook her head.  "You weren't there.  You didn't see how he looked. It was like something inside of him died too.  Peckum was the closest thing he had left to a real family, and he's lost that now,"

          "He'll get over it,"

          Jaina stared at him, outraged.  "How can you say that?"  She fumed.  "You're making it sound like Peckum's death was no big deal – just another casualty of the war," 

          "I didn't mean it like that," he said.  "Zekk's grieving right now, but he'll deal with it and move on.  It's what we do.  That doesn't mean he'll miss Peckum any less, but he'll be able to think about him without feeling that pain,"

          "The only way he's going to get over it is if he has help,"

          "Has he asked for your help?  No.  That's what I thought," he softened his voice and added, "I think you should stay out of it,"

          "Why?"  She challenged.

          "Because I don't want to see you get dragged into his problems again,"

          "Thanks for your concern," she said sarcastically, "but I can take care of myself,"

          Ganner sighed.  "I'm just trying to look out for you.  Why do you have to make a career out of making every conversation we have difficult,"

          "Maybe when someone in your life dies, you won't be the easiest person to get along with either,"

          "Maybe if they did, you'd pay more attention to me," he muttered under his breath.

          Jaina had no trouble hearing him.  She slapped him across the face.  Hard.  "Get out," she told him, her tone cold.

          Ganner didn't need to be told twice.  He was already out the door and it had closed shut behind him before the numbness in her hand wore off.

          "What's going on?"  Leia asked her husband as he got into bed beside her.  "That grin on your face has been more lopsided then usual all night."  She raised a suspicious eyebrow.  "Has Lando conned you into some new scheme of his?"

          "Nah, nothing like that,"

          "What, then?"

          "You know how you sent me to find Anakin?  It didn't take me long to track the kid down,"

          "And you find this amusing because…"

Maybe old age was finally catching up to her husband.

          "He was with Tahiri on the _Falcon_," he finished.

          Leia's eyes widened.  "They weren't – "

          "No, Leia," he calmed his wife.  "I don't even think our son knew that I knew Tahiri was there,"

          "But if you didn't actual see Tahiri.  How do you know she was there?"

          "Sweetheart, our kids are a lot of things, but great liars they ain't.  You should have been there," Han went on, his lopsided grin returning.  "He went so pale.  Then when I told him you asked Tahiri to dinner but no one had seen her, the look on his face was priceless,"

          "But I never asked her,"

          "You know that," he said pointing to her and then at himself.  "I know that.  But Anakin doesn't.  I didn't know for sure she was there until I brought her up and Anakin practically gave himself away.  That and his scoundrel-like appearance.  I'm glad I got out of there when I did or else he would have caught on that I knew,"

          She stared at him incredulously.  "You left the two of them there – alone – after that?"

          He shrugged.  "Their just kids,"

          "They're not 'kids', Han," Leia was quick to remind him.  "Their teenagers.  With hormones,"

          "Trust me.  They weren't going to do anything after I left.  You taking this way too seriously,"

          "And you're not taking this serious enough," she could not believe the whole light attitude he was taking about this.  "I think you should talk to him,"

          "All right,"

          "_Tomorrow_, Han,"

          "Fine, princess," he promised.  "Now lets try and get some sleep before another one of our children goes and does something extremely teenage-like and need a good dose of parental guidance,"

This chapter was definitely a lot happier than the other ones.  Chapter 5 will be up shortly.


	5. Take My Advice

A/N:  Zaura, Tahiri didn't die in this story. She died in one of my other stories "We're All Breakable Sometimes".  I hope that gets rid of your confusion.

CHAPTER FIVE:  TAKE MY ADVICE

          It was still early Courscant time when Jacen decided to take a stroll up to the Jedi Training Facility for a quick morning workout.

The room had been constructed – at his Uncle Luke's insistence, on the top level of the Imperial Palace, more than a year ago.

          He hoped that by skipping breakfast and heading straight there he could get in a workout before anyone else showed up.  He trained better when there wasn't anyone around to distract him.  And as of late, he found himself seriously lacking in the concentration department.  Tenal Ka was the reason for it.  As much as he wanted to deny it, they were drifting apart and the rift between them was getting bigger.  It would have been easier to refuse to believe what was happening if he was the only one who noticed it – but he wasn't.  Jaina had picked up on it too.  Another one of the downfalls to having a twin who knew you as well as you knew yourself, sometimes even better.  At least Jaina respected his privacy enough not to confront him on it.  If Tenal Ka had said anything to her, he didn't know.  She probably did more talking to his sister then to him these days.

He still had these thoughts in mind as he walked into the training room, soon discovering he wasn't the only one who had decided on an early morning workout.

          Tahiri Veila was there, looking more like she was fighting a life or death battle then a mere training exercise.

          With her electric blue saber, she was attempting to fend off four remotes hovering close to her.  Judging by the amounts of laser fire they were throwing out at each turn, they had to be programmed on a high setting.

          She was blindfolded and pouring all her concentration on the remotes, keeping her from being alerted to the other Jedi's presence.

          Looking at her now, he couldn't help but privately envy the relationship she had with Anakin.  They hadn't wasted years like he and Tenal Ka had, fighting the obvious.  The two of them shared a bond that was stronger then the one he shared with Tenal Ka.  When he saw them together, he was reminded of how he and Tenal Ka used to be.  He missed that intense feeling of wanting to be close to her.  It was as if they had grown too comfortable with one another.  He liked comfortable, but he wanted more than that.  He wanted the excitement and adventure like when they had first gotten together and even before that.  

          He shifted his concentration to the show in front of him.  He was more then a little surprised at Tahiri's skill with a lightsaber.  It was obvious she had improved a great deal since the last time he had seen her use one – so much that she was taking on four remotes single handedly.  Not even Tenal Ka tried that.  Anakin must have been working with her.  It showed in the aggressive nature she swung her blade to deflect the remote's blasts.

          But no one had superhuman reflexes, and a few stun blasts managed to work their way through her defenses.  But she never flinched or cried out, if anything, it brought her determination to a new level.  Another trait she must have picked up from Anakin.

          She harmlessly batted a stray bolt aside, unintentionally sending it whirling in Jacen's direction.

          He cried out in surprise, having been caught off guard, and brought his lightsaber to bear.  Reacting with reflexes honed from years of practice, his emerald blade swung out in front of him, batting aside the bolt heading straight for his head.

          "End program," he heard Tahiri say out loud.  The remotes obediently powered down and hovered silently in the air.

          She ripped off her blindfold, finding the source of surprised yelp.  Jacen stood near the training room entrance, his saber still ignited in his hands.  "Sorry," she quickly apologized.  "I didn't know you were standing there,"

          "That's all right," he said, powering down his weapon and hooking it back onto his belt.  "It was a good test of my reflexes this early in the morning.  I'm glad to see I passed,"

          "How long have you been standing there?"  She didn't know why, but it made her uneasy knowing he had been watching her workout.

          "Long enough to wonder if you were planning on adding a fifth remote," 

          "I guess I did get a little carried away," she said with a sheepish grin.

          He looked down at the red welts forming on her hands and wrists from where the remote's blasts had broke through her defenses.  He couldn't see any on her arms, but that was because her sleeves were rolled down.  He was sure there were marks there as well.

          "You should put something on those," he commented.

          "These?"  She said, holding up her palms.  "There nothing, really.  They don't even sting,"

          "You should still put some ice on it to keep the swelling down,"

          His tone was all too familiar to her.  "You sound like, Anakin,"

          He gave her a lopsided grin.  "You make that sound like it's a bad thing,"

          "One overprotective Solo in my life is enough, thank you,"     

          "He can't help it.  It's in our blood," Jacen's grin broadened.  "That, and our good looks,"

          She rolled her eyes.  Was he flirting with her?  The notion was preposterous and she didn't give it more then a fleeting thought.  "What are you doing here?"

          His smile disappeared.  "Same as you.  Trying to work out some early morning frustration,"

          "Who says I'm frustrated?"

          "I do," he said, folding his arms across his chest.  "You don't take on four remotes on their highest setting, while blindfolded, if you're not,"

          "Maybe I've just decided to step up my training since nobody around here seems to think I'm capable of taking care of myself,"

          "The only things that would make you step up your training _that_ much would be if you were mad at my brother, or if…" he silently trailed off, but his unspoken words hung in the air as if he had said them out loud.

          "This has nothing to do with what I told you," she insisted.

          "I may not be Anakin, but I can still tell when you're lying," 

          She put her hands on her hips and gave him her iciest glare.  "Can you tell what I'm thinking right now?"

          He could not make out any distinct words, but he got the gist of the hostile emotions she was sending his way.

          "I keep thinking it's a really bad idea you not telling anyone what you told me," he said, unwilling to drop the subject.  It wasn't what he had come down there for, but he thought he could reason with her, and get her to see the huge mistake she was making by keeping Anakin in the dark.

          "Exactly.  _Told_.  Past tense.  That means it's over and I've moved on.  End of story.  Can you drop it?  I'm fine," she said, growing irritated.

          "You're bleeding,"    

          "What?"

          "Your arm," said Jacen, pointing at the dark crimson colour seeping through the gray sleeve of her left arm.

          "It's just a scratch," she said, covering it up with her hand.

          He moved closer to her.  "Let me look at it,"

          "NO!"

          She had only intended to keep him from touching her, but she ended up unconsciously summoning the power to hurl him into the nearest wall.  He got up slowly, rubbing his right shoulder.  His eyes locked with hers and she could see the unspoken questions there.  He tried to cover it up, but she felt the fear coming from him.  He was afraid of her.  

"I'm sorry," she blurted out.  How could she have lost control like that?  "Jacen, I – "

          She never finished the sentence.

          She bolted out of the training room and down the corridor, praying she wouldn't run into anyone else and cause more damage then she already had.

          Ganner had told her that Zekk needed time, implying Jaina should leave him alone.  Jacen had voiced a similar opinion, but Jaina chose to ignore them both.  It was not that she didn't value their opinions – actually, she valued Ganner's opinion less than a Hutt's right now, but that wasn't the point.  The point was she remembered how awful it had felt to lose Chewie; what her dad had gone through, and how her little brother had reacted when he thought Tahiri was dead.  What Zekk was feeling would be similar, if not worse.  She needed to see for herself if he was handling it okay.

          It wasn't too difficult for her to make the trip down to the apartment Zekk and Peckum had called home for the past ten years.  She had been there so many times before, she was certain she could reach it blindfolded if needed.

          It was a fairly decent building located just east of the Imperial Palace, mostly occupied by retired pilots and other beings who could not afford the glamorous life of the Imperial Palace or anything else high above ground.

          When they were younger, she and Jacen had gotten their share of groundings whenever their parents or Threepio had found out they had gone for a stroll through the lower levels of the Imperial City by themselves, searching for their scavenger friend, Zekk.

          She reached the door to his apartment and knocked on it.  She waited a few moments and then knocked again when she got no answer.  She knocked harder that time, but still no one answered.  She reached up to knock for a third time, but the door opened, revealing a very haggard looking Zekk.  He was wearing an old pair of pilot pants and a shirt with a dozen different sized holes in it.  The dark bags under his eyes were almost the same colour of his hair, which looked like it hadn't been combed in days.  He looked as close to death as possible for someone who was supposed to be living.

          "What are you doing here?"  

          His voice was so emotionless when he spoke, she almost didn't recognize it.

          "I didn't off myself, if that's what you were worried about,"

          "I wasn't," she responded when she found her voice.

          He walked back into his apartment and she wordlessly followed him inside.  The place was beyond its usual mess with crates of junk stacked up against walls, some having fallen over and strewn about on the floor were gadgets Peckum had come across over the years.  Zekk made no attempts to hide the mess as he sunk into a chair with the upholstery falling apart. 

          "The funeral's the day after tomorrow," she told him.

          "I already knew that," he said.  "I'm not going,"

          She stood shocked by his response.  He made it sound as if he had just made the decision not to update the _Lightning Rod's_ entertainment unit.  "Zekk, you have to go.  You'll regret it if you don't,"

          "I won't regret anything.  I already said my good-bye.  There's no reason for me to go,"

          "Zekk – " 

          "It's not a subject open for discussion, Jaina," he said in a harsh voice.  " I've made up my mind," 

          She wished she could make him see what a huge mistake he was making by not going.  He _would _regret it.  But he wasn't going to listen to her.  She couldn't force him to go.  The decision had to be his.

          "Is that all you came here for?"  He asked when she remained quiet.

          She shook her head.  "I wanted to see how you were doing,"

          "How do you think I'm doing?"  He snapped at her.

          "Zekk, I know it's hard – "

          "No, you don't," he cut her off sharply.  "You have no idea what I'm feeling.  And don't bother bringing up Chewbacca to use as a comparison.  Just because you lost one person doesn't make you an expert on feelings or what I'm going through,"

          Jaina's voice shook when she spoke.  "I would never compare your loss to mine, but don't you dare try to make losing Chewie sound as if he were nothing more then a distant Uncle I would see once or twice a year.  You don't have the right,"

          Zekk let out a bitter laugh.  "You're one to talk about rights, Jaina, when you come down here, expecting me to bear my soul to you when you've been treating me like I don't exist for weeks now,"

          She didn't know what to say to that.  He was right, of course.  She had been giving him the silent treatment from the moment he had decided yet again, to remain at the Jedi Academy.  But what had he expected from her?  Had he really thought she would be happy to see him again?

          "The only reason you're standing here, talking to me," he continued, when she didn't bother to defend herself, "is because you feel sorry for me.  Not because you feel any compassion towards me or care about me in the least,"

          "Zekk, that's not true.  I _do_ care.  We're – " she hesitated, "– friends,"

          "Friends?"  He snorted.  "Friends don't cut each other out of their lives and then decide to start talking to them again because someone died."  He looked at her hard.  "We're not friends, Jaina – and we never will be.  There's too much history between us.  You know that and I know that.  So why don't you do us both a favour and get out – and don't come back,"

          She didn't move.  It wasn't registering in her head that he was kicking her out – not only out of his apartment but out of his life.  She could pass it off as grief talking, but she didn't really believe that.  She should have been happy.  This was what she had wanted since his return, but not like this.

          "Are you deaf?  I said get out," he snarled.  When she still made no move to leave, he got up and headed for the door.  "Fine, then I'll leave,"

          He shoved past her and out the open door, not bothering to close it behind him.

          Jaina lost track of how long she stood there after he had left, but by the time she made her way back to the surface, it was dark out and a chilly wind had picked up.  Compared to what she was feeling inside, it was a warm summer breeze.

          "Anakin, we need to talk,"

          _Uh-oh_.  His dad had probably found the secret 'modifications' he had done to make the laser canons use up less energy when fired.  He hated when Anakin did things like that without checking with him first.  He remembered how much trouble he had gotten in the last time he had gone ahead and done shield modifications without his father's permission.

          "Dad, if this is about the teeny, little change I made to the targeting systems, I _was_ going to ask you but you were busy, so I went ahead and did it,"

          Han Solo frowned.  "What change – " he shook his head.  "Never mind that right now.  I'll decide whether or not I should be angry with you for doing that later,"

          "What's going on?"  Anakin said, both a little suspicious and curious as to why his father was unusually calm after what he had just told him.  He should have been raging with anger at that moment.

          "Nothing's going on, son.  Your mom just thinks it's time I had a talk with you about certain things,"

          Anakin raised an eyebrow, waiting for his dad to continue because he certainly had no idea what he was talking about.

          "I know Tahiri was here with you yesterday when I came by,"

          Anakin's mouth dropped open.  "How did you – "

          "Know?  Well, for starters, you weren't working on the aft thrusters.  I fixed them myself last week.  The second thing being the guilty look on your face when I mentioned Tahiri,"

          Tahiri was right.  He was a horrible liar.  "And the third?"

          Han couldn't resist grinning at his son.  "You just confirmed it for me a few seconds ago,"

          Anakin felt like smacking himself with his lightsaber.  Some Jedi he was.  His own father, who was as force blind as they come, had managed not only to tell that he was lying, but to make him confess too.

          "Does mom know?"  He dreaded the answer.

          "Yes, and that's why she wanted me to talk to you,"

          "Talk to me about what?"

          "Sex,"

          Anakin stared at his dad in disbelief.  "Dad, Tahiri and I are _not_ having sex,"

          Han looked extremely relieved to hear his son say that.  "That's good to know, because your mother and I are too young to be grandparents,"          

          "_Dad! _"

          "Grandparents aside," Han continued, "when you and Tahiri finally decide to have sex – which I hope won't be for a very, very, long time – you'll be responsible about it,"

          "Dad, I already know all this,"

          Honestly, did his father think he had been living under a rock for nearly seventeen years?  Sure, Tahiri was his first girlfriend and the first person he had ever fallen in love with – though he had not yet worked up the courage to tell her – but he wasn't stupid.  He knew about sex.  He wasn't an expert on the subject, but he knew enough about it. 

          "I'm glad to see my youngest son thinks he knows everything," said Han.  "Because here I was thinking I was going to have to waste my time scaring you about if Tahiri were to get pregnant, and how the two of you would deal with it, seeing as you're both still young.  There's always adoption or you two could get married.  Then you'd have to figure out where you're going to live – you'll have to find a place of your own, of course.  Then figure out how you're going to pay for this baby, if it's going to train to be a Jedi, and so on.  But before you make any of those decisions, you have the job of telling the unsuspecting grandparents-to-be on both sides that in about nine months time they can expect a new addition to their family."  Han looked thoughtful for a moment.  "I can just picture Kam Solusar's reaction,"

          "I thought you said you weren't going to scare me," said Anakin.

          Han gave his son an innocent look.  "Did I say that? I guess I just got carried away there.  "Anakin," he began, going back to the serious tone he had taken since their conversation had started, "contrary to what you may think, I'm not trying to fill your head with all kinds or horrible thoughts to keep you from having sex.  I just want you to be aware that with sex comes responsibility – and that responsibility can sometimes have consequences,"

          Anakin was taking this all in stride.  Han saw that as a good sign that his son was still listening to him at all.  He hadn't been at all sure how this 'talk' was going to go.

          "I'm no expert," he told Anakin, "but I have had a lot of experience.  Don't go getting any ideas, but I was doing it before I was your age," he saw the questioning look forming on Anakin's face and added, "don't ask me how young because I'm not going to tell you.  The point I'm trying to make," he went on, "is that sex with anyone is just that – sex.  But with someone you love, it's an experience that can bring two people closer then even they thought possible.  I don't expect you to wait until you're my age, but I do hope you'll wait until you're both ready,"

          Anakin thought for a moment.  The incident the other day in the _Falcon_ came to mind.  "How are we supposed to know when we're ready?"

          "It's something the two of you will have to figure out on your own.  You and Tahiri have been best friends forever, but this new level in your relationship is still something you're both get used to.   I don't know where the two of you are at, but this is definitely a subject you both should discuss and think hard about before you go making any final decisions,"

          That was all his dad had wanted to say to him.  If anything, Anakin had been expecting to be on the receiving end of a long lecture from his dad about sex.  His dad had never been one to lecture, though.  He was making an effort to relate to his teenage son and Anakin appreciated that.  Growing up on the streets of Corellia, he was sure his dad knew a lot more about the subject then he was letting on.  The important thing was, he wasn't in trouble like he had thought.  He was sure if his mother had talked to him it would have been a different story.

Han crossed his arms over his chest.  "Now that that's out of the way, what's this change you made to the targeting systems I should know about?"

Let me know what you think of the story so far.  All opinions are welcome.


	6. Mother Knows Best

CHAPTER SIX:  MOTHER KNOWS BEST

          They took Anakin's airspeeder – a gift from his parents for his sixteenth birthday, though it had not been much more then a scrap heap at the time – and rode it past the raging towers until they reached the artificially landscaped area resembling a beach.

          The sand had lost its golden colour with the sun all but set for the day.  The ocean – which was really salt water brought in from Mon Calamari placed in the mile long dug out trench – continued to crash against the shore with its foaming waves.

          Tahiri climbed out and took off her shoes.   She threw them back in the speeder just as Anakin came over to her side.  Not surprising, he still had his boots firmly attached to his feet.  He took her hand and they started walking.

          It occurred to her then that maybe they should have changed out of their formal clothes before heading out there.  That had been the last thing on either one of their minds when they had made the decision to leave the small reception being held after Peckum's funeral.  The reception was mostly filled with pilots who had flown Peckum or had laboured alongside him when he had worked on Courscant's mirror station up in orbit.  It was amazing how many friends Peckum had made over the years.

          Tahiri and Anakin had stayed as long as deemed polite, and then had quietly slipped away.  She knew Anakin was uncomfortable being there, for it served as a reminder of the last two funerals he had attended.  Tahiri, herself, wanted to avoid anything to do with death or grieving, and was thankful when Anakin asked her if she wanted to leave.

          "How are you feeling?"

          She did her best to look like she had no idea what he was talking it, but Anakin wasn't buying it.

          "Don't give me that look, Tahiri.  I could sense that something wasn't right with you, and when I ran into Tionne the other day she said you were feeling sick,"

          "I feel better now," she assured him.

She wished she had been sick.  She had felt more like she was on her deathbed with a case of Toydorian Scarlet fever then anything else.

          She had managed to keep her mind shielded from Anakin's to keep him from worrying – or so she had thought – but it had been impossible to hide all her symptoms from Kam and Tionne, especially when she couldn't find the strength to get out of bed yesterday morning.  She had the chills, making it impossible for her to keep warm, and her body had refused to follow even the most basic commands she gave it.  The headaches were the worst part.  No painkillers worked and when she tried using the force, she only made it worse.  Tionne had wanted her to see a doctor, but fortunate for Tahiri, whatever illness she had contracted had already started to fade by the following morning.

          The symptoms had started after the incident with Jacen in the training room two days earlier.  She still could not figure out what had made her lose control like that.  One second she had been perfectly calm, and the next she was bubbling with rage inside, sending Jacen flying across the room.  Sure, he had been attempting to look at her arm, but that was still no reason for her to act like she had.  Luckily for her, she had no more 'outbursts' like that one since it had happened.

          She had managed to avoid Jacen since then, which wasn't too hard considering how ill she had been feeling afterwards.  It was obvious he had not said anything to Anakin, but she feared it was only a matter of time before he did, and then she would have a lot of explaining to do.

          "I don't know why you think you can keep things from me," he said, failing to keep the frustration from surfacing in his voice.

          "It was just a flu bug," she insisted.  "And besides, I didn't want to ruin your outing with your dad,"

          Even in the growing dark she could see his face growing red.

          "What?"  She tried probing his thoughts only to come up against his own mental barriers.  "Now, who's hiding things from who?"

          Anakin let out a sigh.  "It didn't turn out to be the usual father-son repair work I was expecting,"

          "Oh?"

          "He wanted to talk to me,"

          "What about?"

          "Some things in life,"

          "You could be a little more specific, Anakin," she said.  He had not been this hard to pull words out of in years.

          "Sex,"

          That was specific enough.  

          "When he 'caught' us the other day, he knew you were there,"

          Tahiri felt her own facing reddening.  "And he thought we were – you and I –"

          "I don't know what he thought but my mom thought there was something going on,"

          She dropped his hand and flung herself down on the sand.  "I don't think I'll ever be able to look either one of your parents in the face again,"

          He crouched down beside her.  "I told my dad we weren't and he seemed to believe I was telling him the truth,"

          "Still, Anakin, it's embarrassing," she said, lying back on the sand.  "What did he say to you?"

          "That he trusts us,"

          There had to be more to it then that, but she did didn't press him for more details.  It was a relief to know they had at least one adult in their lives who wouldn't treat them like they were little kids who didn't know any better.

          "You know it's their job to worry,"

          She picked up a handful of sand and threw it at him.  "Don't go all wise Jedi on me,"

          "Me, Wise?"  He chuckled and laid down beside her.   "I don't think my brother would agree with you on that one,"

          She turned on her side to face him, her green eyes missing their usual bright gleam, and said, "Anakin, what would have happened the other day if your dad hadn't showed up?"

          "I don't know,"

          He was being honest, so to be fair she had to be honest as well.  "I'm not ready, Anakin,"

          He lightly kissed the top of her forehead.  "That's okay.  Neither am I,"

          Jaina was one of the first people to leave the reception hall – though not before Anakin and Tahiri she noticed.  Those two were starting to remind her of Jacen and Tenal Ka when they first – and _finally_ admitted their feelings to one other. Her brother and her best friend did not seem to be as inseparable these days and she wondered what exactly was going on with them.  Tenal Ka was a very private person and Jacen rarely came to her to for advice on their relationship, so Jaina was ready to let them work it out on their own – unless they came to her for help.

          She had no specific destination in mind when she left the Imperial Palace.  She just needed to walk around somewhere and clear her head.

          Zekk had never showed at the funeral, just as he had said he wouldn't.  For some reason though, she had expected him to come to his senses and show at the last minute.  Not once afterwards did she think to go looking for him.  Her last encounter with him was reminder enough to convince her to stay away.

          She lost track of how long she was out walking around, but the fact that her feet were killing her was a sign she should head back home.

          She made it to her door and took out her keycard to open it.

          "Jaina, wait a minute,"

          Of course, _he_ had to show up.  _The perfect end to another perfect day_, she thought silently.

          "Ganner, it's late and I'm not in the mood to fight with you.  Can we do this some other time?"  She moved the keycard into the lock.

          "I didn't come here to fight.  I came to apologize,"

          Those were the only words he could have said to keep her from going inside and leaving him out there – but just barely.

          "I'm sorry about the other day and what I said.  I deserved that slap,"

          "Did it hurt?"  She said, facing him.

          "Yeah," he said, unconsciously rubbing the spot on his face. 

          "Good,"

          He did not appear taken aback by her remark.  If anything, he had been expecting it.  "I didn't show up today because I knew it was a private thing.  And after what happened with us, I thought it be best if I steered clear of you for awhile,"

          "That was probably a good idea," she agreed.

          "You're right, though, it's late," he said when silence began to fall between them.  "I just wanted you to know that it wasn't fair of me to say what I said to you,"

          He turned to go, having said what he came there to say, but Jaina's voice stopped him.  "We could talk more tomorrow, you know, if you're not doing anything,"

          He nodded and gave her a small smile.  Clearly, this conversation had gone a lot better then he had anticipated.  "Sure, tomorrow then?"

          They kissed briefly and then he watched Jaina disappear inside the apartment.

          Ganner would never say anything to her, and she would surely deny it if he did, but he knew deep down that she didn't love him – not the way he loved her – and nothing he could do would ever change that.  He would never be anything more then second best to her.

          The sight of her parents sitting on the couch, still awake, startled Jaina when she walked in.

          "Where have you been?"  Her mother demanded.

          "Nowhere," she answered truthfully.  "Just out walking around,"

          "It's late, Jaina," her father said to her.

          If it was so late, what were the two of them still doing up?  Surely they couldn't be waiting for her to come home.  It had been a long time since either one of them had done that.  But past experiences had long taught her that when being grilled by her parents, it was best not to ask questions.  That would only get her into more trouble.

          "Dad, I'm almost eighteen,"

          That statement had become like a mantra to her in recent months.

          "I know," said Han with a sigh.  "A statement that has been pointed out to me by you and Jacen so many times the words have lost most of their effect,"

          She wanted to know what was really bothering them.  They had never made this big of a deal about her coming home late before.

          "If you're finished interrogating me, I'm going to bed,"

          That was the excuse she used to get out of the room, and neither one of her parents tried to stop her.

          She did intend to go to bed, but decided to stop by the kitchen first and grab something to eat.  She hadn't eaten since lunch that day and it was finally catching up with her.

          "I thought you were going to bed," said Leia, coming up behind her.

          "I am," Jaina said, as she sifted through the food in the fridge.  "I'm just getting something to eat,"

          "How's Ganner?"

          Jaina stood up so fast she barely missed hitting her head on the freezer door.  "Mother, were you listening to our conversation?"  She accused.

          "No, I wasn't.  I felt you approach the apartment and then he showed up.  I wouldn't invade your privacy like that,"

          "I'm glad to hear that,"

          "You didn't answer my question,"

          "You just said you wouldn't invade my privacy," Jaina reminded her.

          "It was a simple question.  After I heard you two arguing the other day – "

          "You were listening in on us then?"

          "Jaina, it was kind of hard not to with the two of you carrying on the way you were,"

          "Mom, I don't really want to talk about Ganner," she looked at her mother questioningly and said, "how do you know about us anyways?"

          Leia smiled.  "I'm a mother.  It's my job,"

          "And you're not going to try and tell me he's too old for me?"

          "I'm the last person who should be telling you not to date older men,"

          That was true.  There was nearly an eleven-year age gap between her parents.  And Jaina was almost the age her mother had been when she had met her father for the first time.

          "If you don't want to talk about Ganner, maybe we should we talk about Zekk,"

          She used her best diplomatic voice, but Jaina wasn't a senator, and no matter how inviting her mother's voice sounded she was not going to talk to her about Zekk.

          She closed the fridge then.  The mentioning of the two men in her life served to squash the appetite she had seconds early. "I don't want to talk about him either.  Zekk and I are history,"

          "History has a way of repeating itself if you're not careful,"

          "Don't worry, it won't," Jaina said confidently.

          "It seems obvious to me the way you've acted this past week shows you still care about Zekk a great deal.  And if it's that obvious to your own mother, how do you think it looks to Ganner?"

          Jaina stared at her mother but said nothing.

          Leia stood in front of her daughter and placed her hands on her daughter's shoulders.  "Jaina, if you're trying to punish Zekk for leaving you by being with Ganner, you're only punishing yourself if Zekk's the one you want to be with."  She stopped, waiting for Jaina to look at her before continuing.  "It's not fair to either one of them and it's not worth it if you're going to spend the rest of your life regretting it,"

          She left Jaina alone to think about her words, hoping her daughter would follow her advice for once, and not be as stubborn as she so often proved to be.


	7. A Slip of the Mind

CHAPTER SEVEN:  A SLIP OF THE MIND

          It was the gritty taste in her mouth that woke Tahiri from her peaceful slumber.  A few grains of sand, however, were not what made her bolt upright into a sitting position.

          She squeezed her eyes shut – praying for both their sakes that this was just a dream.  When she opened her eyes, it wasn't a dream – it was a nightmare.

          Dawn was fast approaching, and the beach was unusually quiet.  Even the surf was calm, but the only two people around to appreciate it, would likely be living out the remainder of their days working the spice mines of Kessel.

          Tahiri looked over at Anakin's sleeping form.  _We are going to be in so much bantha dung_…

          "Anakin, wake up," she said, shaking his shoulder.

          He came around slowly and blinked drowsily at her.

          "Notice anything about our current surroundings?"  She did not want to be the only one panicking.

          Anakin's brain processed the information in a matter of seconds.  "Oh, stars," he muttered under his breath.

          Tahiri dragged him to his feet.  "That's what we'll be seeing when our parents decide to jettison us out a torpedo bay,"

          They hurried into the airspeeder and sped back towards the Imperial Palace.  Tahiri was going to ask if it could go any faster, but decided their current velocity was just fine.  The longer it took for them to get back, the longer they could avoid punishment.  Then again, if she took the positive approach to their situation, maybe they would get lucky without anyone noticing they hadn't come home last night.

          Anakin reached the Solo residence and all his hopes of sneaking quietly inside and escaping into his room unnoticed, vanished when he felt the two distinct presence's that belonged to his parents – and they were very much awake.

          His mother would know he was standing there, so there was no point in turning and leaving.  He might as well go inside and get it over with.

          He stepped inside the apartment and was greeted by the disappointed frowns of his parents, who looked like they had barely slept at all.

          "Hi," Anakin said in a timid voice.  Perhaps that had not been the most appropriate thing to say.

          His mother sprang up from the sofa and tossed aside the blanket that was covering her.  "You were out all night and that's all you've got to say for yourself?"

          "Mom, I can explain,"

          He had no idea what he could say to get himself out of the load of trouble he knew he was in.

          "If it was a Jedi thing, I could understand, but I know it wasn't.  You were with Tahiri, weren't you?"

          So much for talking himself out of trouble.  If his parents knew he had spent the night with Tahiri, they would automatically jump to the wrong conclusion.

          "We called Kam and Tionne to see if Tahiri knew where you were," Han spoke up from the sofa, "but they said she didn't come home either,"

          Anakin suppressed the urge to sigh.  There was no point in trying to lie.  His mother may not be a fully trained Jedi but she had a knack for knowing when her children were lying to her.  "We were together, but _nothing_ happened," he emphasized the word 'nothing' as much as possible.  "We left after the funeral reception for the artificial beach a few miles from here and fell asleep.  But that's all,"

          He might have sounded more convincing without the sand in his hair and his clothes didn't look like he had slept in them for a week.

          "Anakin, you could have called," his father reprimanded him.  "We were worried sick,"

          "I know," he said, lowering his head.  "I wasn't thinking,"

          "Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to think," Leia assured him.  "You're grounded for the next two weeks,"

          "What?!"  He had stayed out one night – one night!  It wasn't as if he did this sort of thing all the time.   She was being completely unreasonable.

          "You can go to any meetings Luke calls, but then you're to come straight home," she explained to him.  She looked back at Han and then back at her son.  "We talked with Kam and Tionne and we're in agreement that it's a good idea for you and Tahiri to not see each other for those two weeks,"

          "This isn't fair," he protested.

          "Was it fair for you to stay out all night and not even bother to let us know where you were?"  His mother demanded.  "You're more responsible then that, Anakin."

          Her disappointment in him came through in her voice.  He turned to his dad for support.  If anyone could get him a lesser sentence it was him.  But it was apparent he was sticking with Leia on this one.

          Anakin hoped they were done punishing him because he was through listening to them.  He stormed off to his room and shut the door behind him.

          "I think you were a little hard on him," Han said, coming to stand beside her.

          "Someone has to get tough on him,"

          "What's that supposed to mean?"

          "It means," Leia said, turning and pointing at him square in the chest, "you were supposed to have an adult conversation with your son about sex and then he doesn't come home the next night,"

          "I never told him it was okay to stay out all night," said Han in his own defense.  Han's mind was racing when he said, "was he lying about nothing happening?"

          "No, he was telling the truth.  But he's still our kid and no matter how many battles he fights in that's not going to change.  Trust me, Han," Leia said, grabbing both his hands in hers, "a little break is what those two need right now,"

          Anakin waited until both his parents were gone before coming out of his room later on that morning.  He had tried sleeping and keeping himself occupied with the mechanical gadgets in his room, but mostly he laid on his bed doing exactly what his mom had said he would be doing a lot of over the next two weeks: thinking.

          He couldn't even remember the last time he had been grounded.  He wished he could talk to Tahiri, and see how it had gone for her, but he couldn't even use the HoloNet to call her.  They weren't supposed to speak to each other at all.

          _Who was going to take a Jedi serious that got grounded by his parents?_

          He knew they were disappointed with him, but he hated even more that he had gotten his dad into trouble.  He had heard them talking after he had disappeared into his room.  His mom partially blamed his dad for his staying out all night when their 'talk' had nothing to do with it.

          He planned to get himself some breakfast and then head back to his room before his parents returned.  They never said he had to spend the two weeks couped up in his room, but he figured if he did that he could avoid any more lectures they had planned for him.

          He found his older brother sitting on the counter eating his own breakfast when he walked in to the kitchen.

          "I heard about your 'all nighter," Jacen smirked at him.  "I can see the headlines on Courscant Nightly News: Brave Jedi Knight who Fights Fearsome Yuuzhan Vong gets Grounded by Parents,"

          "This isn't funny, Jace,"

          "I'm sure mom and dad would agree with you.  From what I hear, you're 'we fell asleep' excuse didn't go over too well with mom,"

          "It wasn't an excuse, okay?"  Did his whole family think he and Tahiri were two hormone-crazed teenagers?  "Tahiri and I took off during the reception, and I knew she hadn't been feeling well lately, so I – "          He came to an abrupt halt when he felt the sudden change in Jacen's emotions.  It lasted only a second, but his brother's slip was noticeable enough that Anakin confronted him on it.

          "What is it?"  Anakin questioned him.  "I said something about Tahiri feeling sick and then I felt – " He closed his eyes, trying to remember exactly what he had felt coming from Jacen.  " – this sadness and sympathy _and_ fear," Anakin's eyes snapped open.  "Where is this coming from?"

          Jacen put his mental barriers back up.  That momentary slip was going to earn him an intense grilling from Anakin.

          "It's got nothing to do with Tahiri," he tried to convince Anakin.

          "Its got _everything_ to do with her," Anakin countered.  "You can put you emotional shields back up, Jacen, but that doesn't change what I felt – and it was being directed at Tahiri.  Now, tell me what's going on?"

          "You're making a big deal out of nothing," Jacen told him, trying to shrug it off.

          "It's not nothing.  You know something that I don't and I want to know what it is,"

          Lying would be impossible at this point.  Anakin was already too suspicious.  So he told him about what happened in the training room the other day.

          Anakin listened to it all carefully.  "Why would she do that?"

          "I don't know,"

"But you suspect.  There's more you're not telling me,"

He couldn't break his promise to Tahiri, even if it meant Anakin being angry with him.  She was going to have to be the one to tell him.  "Anakin just talk to her,"

"I can't.  That's why I'm asking you.  Jacen, please," Anakin pleaded with his older brother, "tell me what's going on with her,"

"Anakin, I can't.  I gave her my word,"

Promise or no promise, he could feel how extremely close Anakin was to hitting him.

"Hey, what's going on in here?"

Jaina walked into the kitchen, taking in the sight of how dangerously close the two brother's were standing together.  The animosity coming from Anakin was beyond anything that normally accompanied his frequent arguments with Jacen. 

His sister's voice brought Anakin back to reality.  He backed away from Jacen, brushed past Jaina and walked and out of the apartment.

Jaina turned an inquisitive look on her twin. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

It wasn't an easy feat convincing Kam that he needed to speak with Tahiri, but Anakin had pleaded with him for several minutes, saying that it was important for him to see her.  In the end, Anakin suspected the only reason Kam had agreed to it was because of the turmoil of emotions he felt rolling off Anakin, and knowing this was not an attempt to get around their punishment.

The Jedi Master gave him ten minutes, which was more time then Anakin could have hoped for.  He waited for Kam to follow him to Tahiri's room to act as a chaperone, but the older man remained in the residence's living area.

He was not even halfway to her room when he felt her spike in emotion at finding him there.  Her excitement continued to mount until he made to her door and she flung it open before he had a chance to reach for the handle.

In a blur of motion, she threw her arms around him, saying, "I can't believe they let you in!  You won't believe the lecture I got on responsibility,"

She let go of him when he did not return the embrace.  "What's wrong?  You didn't to knock Kam unconscious to see me, did you?"  The laughter in her eyes died when the serious look on his face remained.  "Anakin, what's going on?"  His silence was scaring her.

"I know about what happened with you and Jacen in the training center,"

"Oh, that," she said, keeping her voice casual.  "It was an accident.  I lost control for a second, but the same thing's happened to you before," she added, hoping to keep him from an intergalactic incident out of it.

"But I've never mentally slammed someone into a wall because they wanted to look at my arm,"

"Sorry, I'm not as perfect as some people," she scoffed. 

"It's more then about just losing control, and don't try to tell me it isn't.  Because I tried to get Jacen to tell me but he said he promised you he wouldn't say anything,"

She purposely avoided his gaze.

"Tahiri, what are you trying to hide from me?"

"Anakin, just let it go," she said in a quiet voice.

"I won't let it go because I want to know what the big secret is you can tell my brother and not me,"

"I can't tell you, okay?"

"We've never kept anything from each other before,"

"This is different, Anakin," she said, trying to make him understand.  "I never told Jacen because I wanted to keep secrets from you.  Please, believe that,"

"Then why did you tell him?"  Anakin was demanding to know.  His temper was rising by the second.  "Because you trust him more than me, is that it?"

She could hear the jealousy raging in his voice.  This was the last thing she had wanted to happen.  "That's not true and you know it.  I just can't talk to you about it right now.  I'm not saying that to hurt you but it's the truth,"

"When we were working on the ship, was all that just to keep me from finding out the truth?  Pretending to take an interest in mechanics to keep me distracted so I wouldn't sense whatever it was you're hiding?"

"That's not true at all," she said, shaking her head.  "I really wanted to learn about that stuff,"  

He was too angry and too hurt to tell if she lying.  Why else would she bother with taking an interest in how to fix ships when she had never before made an effort to in all the years he had known her?  He never thought she was capable of being so deceptive and that's what hurt the most – even more so, then her choosing to confide in Jacen over him.  He needed to get out of there and as far away from her as possible. She had been hiding things from him for months now and had gone running to confide in his brother.  This wasn't the Tahiri he knew.  It was a total stranger.

"I have to go," he muttered, turning away.

"Anakin, please – "

"Save it, Tahiri," he snapped at her.  "When you feel like you're able to confide in me again, don't bother.  Go talk to Jacen, I'm sure he'll be more than willing to listen,"

With those last words, Anakin left her room and stormed out of the apartment.

She could tell by the way his mind clamped shut when she tried to reach out to him that she had hurt him deeply.  So how could she hurt him even more by telling him the truth?

Please keep reviewing and let me know what you think of it.


	8. Powerless

CHAPTER EIGHT:  POWERLESS

          Nearly a week had gone by since the incident in the kitchen between the two brothers that Jaina had walked in on.  And Anakin, still did not look any more ready to have a civilized conversation with Jacen.

          He had returned later that morning – from where Jaina could only guess had been Tahiri's – fought with Jacen some more, since it looked like Tahiri had not told him anymore then he already knew, and then the two brothers just stopped talking altogether.  

          She understood where Anakin was coming from.  Jacen was unintentionally interfering with their relationship.  If he ever wanted Anakin to talk to him again, he better tell him what was going on with Tahiri, or get her to tell him.  At this point, she was pretty sure that even if Jacen did decided to tell Anakin what Tahiri was keeping from him, it wouldn't make much of a difference in the way Anakin was acting towards him.

          She had thought that maybe the two of them could put aside their differences for the meeting their Uncle Luke had called, but the one characteristic the three Solo children had in common – besides the obvious – was stubbornness.  Anakin had walked to the meeting alone and stood as far away from his brother as possible.

          Jaina saw Tahiri walk by, flanked by Kam and Tionne on either side.  Jaina caught her brother's eye as he watched them pass.

          Jacen knew that look.  "Jaina, whatever you want to say, just say it,"

          "I know you had good intentions when you made that promise to Tahiri, Jace.  But it's those same good intentions that have put you in the middle of her and Anakin,"

          He sighed.  "I never thought this was going to happen,"

          "How could you not have?  Put yourself in Anakin's position.  How would you feel if, say, Tenal Ka had confided in Anakin about her disease and left you in the dark?"

          He would be furious, that was for sure.  But the current situation with Tahiri was not the same thing at all.  "This is different, Jaina,"

          "Different people, but it's the same scenario," she shook her head.  "You still don't get it.  Anakin may look like he's furious with you, but its more jealousy than anything else.  Tahiri is his best friend – not to mention his girlfriend now – and she tells you some big secret instead of him.  Do you have any idea how that must make him feel?  You need to fix this _now_, Jacen, or Anakin might never speak to you again,"

          Jacen was saved from having to come up with a response when his Uncle's voice boomed through the auditorium, bringing the assembled Jedi to order.

          "I'm glad that this many of you were able to make the trip here.  I have news that will affect the future of not only the New Republic but the rest of the galaxy.

          "The Tsirran have agreed to help us fight the Yuuzhan Vong.  Eusi-Rakk, the Tsirran Elder, has met with me on several occasions and we have agreed on an alliance between their species and the Jedi.  The New Republic has nothing to do with this at the moment.  Chief Fe'y'la as well as numerous others in the Senate are not ready to look beyond their own hatred of the Yuuzhan Vong to join sides with a race that is their blood relative.  They do not sanction our alliance, but they have informed me they will not try to stop it as long as the Tsirran prove true to their word,"

          At that precise moment, three Tsirran joined the Jedi Master on stage.  Their sudden appearance stirred up a quiet commotion among those present.  Some of the Jedi still had never seen an actual Tsirran, and on a first glance they looked exactly like a Yuuzhan Vong.  But once the initial shock wore off, the differences between the two races were rather obvious.  Tsirran did not mutilate themselves or cut off parts of their body as a sacrifice to the gods.  Their green skin was smooth and free of any markings, save for the one's who were leaders of their clans.  Only one of the aliens on stage had that specific marking.

          Jacen felt a disturbance in the force at that exact moment, immediately jumping to the conclusion that the Tsirran's lives were in jeopardy that but he quickly realized the disturbance was not the kind that would warrant any danger.

          There collective murmuring that was finally beginning to die down, picked up again – and this time it had nothing to do with the Tsirran.  Jacen glanced over at the walkway in time to see a ghostly pale Tahiri run out of the auditorium.  It wasn't long afterwards when Anakin ran out after her.

          Tahiri was out of sight by the time Anakin made it to the deserted hallway.  He had broken into a sprint after her before realizing what he was doing.  No matter how mad he still was with her, he could not ignore the fact that there was something terribly wrong with Tahiri after seeing her run out like that.

He reached out with the force to locate her and immediately regretted doing so.  He broke out into a cold sweat and his legs were so shaky, he fell to his knees, finding himself overcome by a powerful wave of nausea.  The pain in his head was blinding.  It was all he could do to keep himself from lapsing into unconsciousness.  He tried breaking his connection to her, but it wasn't enough.  He raced to the nearest trashcan and threw up into it.

          When he felt the sickness subsiding, he stumbled over to the nearest bench and collapsed onto it.  The nausea was over, but he didn't trust himself to stand just yet.  The pain in his head was gone too, but he knew that was no ordinary headache he had felt.  The intenseness of it had been too excruciating.  It was as if someone had attached a thousand little electrodes to his brain, and had programmed them to cause searing pain whenever he tried to think or move.  If his experience had been that horrible, he could only imagine how bad it had been for Tahiri, experiencing it firsthand.  He was almost afraid to reach out to her again after what had just happened, but he was sure he would know where to find her even without using the force.

          When he found his walking legs again, he started for the female 'fresher, located around the corner from the auditorium hall.

          Even under the current circumstances, he did not feel right just barging in there.  He knocked on the door and called out to her.

          "Tahiri?"

          No response.

          "Tahiri, I'm coming in,"

          "Please, Anakin, just go away,"

          Her voice was weak and lacked any conviction to the words she had just spoken.

          There was no way he could turn around and pretend what he had felt hadn't happened.  Without further warning, he walked inside the 'fresher.  He found her standing in front of a sink, clutching the sides of it for support.  She wouldn't look at him even when he was right beside her.

          When he got close to her, he could see how badly she was shaking.  He had never seen her like this before and it frightened him.  She looked ready to collapse at any second.  He fought to maintain a calm appearance; it wouldn't help her to see him scared. He attempted to brush her damp hair out of her face, and the back of his hand came into in contact with her hot forehead.

          His eyes widened in alarm.  "Tahiri, you're burning up.  We need to get you to the med center,"

          She looked at him for the first time and he saw how sick she really was.  Her face was paler then he thought was humanly possible.

"I'll be okay," she said weakly, "just give me a minute,"

          Even with the condition she was in, she still had to argue with him.  Well, he had news for her.  He was taking her to the med ward if he had to pick her up and carry her there himself.  One look at her told him he would probably have to do that anyways.

          Anakin had put up his own shields to dampen the connection they shared, but their bond was too strong – too deep – for him to feel nothing when Tahiri started clutching the sides of her head and screaming in agony.  He fought to keep himself standing upright.

          She clutched his arms tightly, her gaze burning into his.  "Please, make it stop," she begged him through her tears.  "I can't – "

          Her unspoken words caught in her throat and the last thing she remembered before passing into oblivion was Anakin's arms reaching out to catch her.


	9. A Spark Of Hope

A/N:  In case you haven't noticed, I changed my name from Hayden's~Girl to Buffybot.  I just decided it was time for a new name.  Anyways, enjoy the chapter, and I will try and post as often as possible now that ff.net seems to be working again.

CHAPTER NINE:  A SPARK OF HOPE

         There was nothing Anakin hated more then waiting – except when it involved waiting for information on what was wrong with Tahiri.  It was beyond nerve wracking not knowing what was going on.

         After her collapse, he had rushed her to the med center, leaving her life in the hands of so-called capable physicians.   Shortly thereafter, his family and friends who had felt his inner fear and had been overwhelmed by it joined him.

         Anakin had a chance to calm himself before they arrived, and was able to explain Tahiri's condition in the 'fresher and what he had felt just before.  Anakin's account of what happened, led his Uncle to believe there might be more going on then a simple flu virus and had called in the Jedi healer, Cilghal, to examine her.

         Cilghal promised to bring word of any news on Tahiri's condition once they had the results from her examinations of the young Jedi.  It had been hours since they had last heard from the Mon Calamari healer.  She had gone into to Tahiri's room to conduct her own examination of the girl, searching for anything the doctor's might have missed.  Kam and Tionne were with her the whole time.  No one else was allowed in while Cilghal was in with her.

         Anakin paced around the waiting room from time to time, and when that was not enough, he stood outside Tahiri's room watching.  He realized his actions were making everyone else more agitated, so he forced himself to sit down for a span of time longer than five minutes.  If he didn't get any news soon he was going to break out his lightsaber and ask someone to spar with him.

His sister picked up on his anxiety and grabbed a hold of his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.  "Tahiri's tough.  Whatever's wrong with her, she'll beat it,"

         Anakin was thankful at least one of them was thinking positively, because he was having difficulty ridding himself of the sensation that there was something seriously wrong with her.  He had initially thought it might have something to do with whatever she had told Jacen, but a swift prodding of his brother's emotions told him Jacen was as clueless as the rest of them.  That was a good thing, for Jacen's sake.  If he had known anything that could have helped prevent this, he did not want to think about what he was capable of doing to his own brother.

         Cilghal appeared in the waiting room then.  It was difficult to read a Mon Calamari's expression.  They always had a calm appearance about themselves.  One could be bubbling with anger on the surface and another species would never know it.  A quick inspection on Anakin's part revealed she was actually quite troubled on the inside.  He wanted to investigate further, but his own sense of right and wrong kicked in, keeping him from performing such an intrusion of her privacy.

         Anakin was on his feet to meet her when she reached them.  "How is she?"

         "She is still delirious from the fever, but we've been treating it with antibiotics and it is continuing to go down,"

         "So the worst is over, then?"  Jaina said in a hopeful voice.

         Anakin saw the hesitation in the Jedi healer's eyes and it made his heart tighten in his chest.  "What's wrong with her?"

         "I am not entirely sure," she admitted.

         "What do you mean you're 'not sure'?"  He said, not bothering to mask the anger in his tone.  "You've been in there with her for hours, and you're telling me you still don't know?"

His Uncle placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and Anakin fell silent.

         "What have you found, Cilghal?"  Luke asked calmly.

         "All the scans performed by the New Republic doctors show there is nothing wrong with her, except the rather mysterious fact that the pain receptors in her body have been numbed somehow,"

         "You are saying she is incapable of feeling any pain?"  Tenal Ka said in a troubled voice.

         "That is correct,"

         Anakin shook his head.  "But she was complaining about the pain in her head right before she passed out,"

         The Mon Calamari sighed.  "I do not know why that is, but the human mind is a very complex thing.  It is possible that whatever is affecting her body is affecting her mind as well,"

         "You said her pain receptors have been numbed?" Anakin said.  "Isn't that impossible for someone to do that to themselves?  Which means it would have to be done deliberately.  I didn't know a technology like that existed,"

         "It doesn't," Cilghal told him.  "At least not amongst any known species in this galaxy,"

         Anakin felt his anger rising to the breaking point as his mind registered what the Jedi healer was getting at.  "The Vong?  They did this to her?"

         "But that doesn't make any sense," Jacen spoke up.  "The Yuuzhan Vong embrace pain.  Why wouldn't they want Tahiri not to feel any?"

         "Nothing the Yuuzhan Vong do makes any sense," said Anakin, running his fingers through his dark hair.  "How do we fix what's been done to her?"

         Cilghal clasped her webbed hands in front of her.  "We know a great deal more about Yuuzhan Vong technology then we did even a month or two ago, but what's been done to Tahiri is nothing anyone has seen before.  I will continue to study her, but I'm afraid there is nothing I nor New Republic medicine can do to reverse the effects,"

         "Then she'll just have to live the rest of her life feeling no physical pain?"  He hated to even think it, but maybe what the Vong had done to her would not be such a bad thing after all.

         "I'm afraid it is not that simple, Anakin," Cilghal began in grave voice.  "Tahiri's body is rejecting the implants placed inside it designed to suppress pain.  That is why she has been feeling sick recently.  The implants are taking a toll on her body, and if they are not removed soon, she will die,"

         _Tahiri will die_.

         The words kept repeating over and over in his mind.  Just the thought of losing her again was too much for him to handle.  He wanted a second opinion, even though he knew deep down that Cilghal was right.  He had seen – as well as experienced what the Vong technology was doing to Tahiri.  He needed to be with her, but he had to take care of something else first.  Without a word to the others, he took off towards the nearest turbolift.

         "Anakin, where are you going?"  Jaina called after him.

         "To get some answers,"

         Checking to make sure his lightsaber was secured at his side, he boarded the lift.

         The twelfth floor of the Imperial Palace was currently off limits to everyone except Luke Skywalker and Tahiri.  New Republic guards were stationed at every junction and corridor as a security measure.  

         Anakin paid no attention to the restrictions.

         He was sure the Tsirran could handle any situation that arose, and that the guards posted would be useless.  The only reason Chief Fe'y'la would have assigned guards was to keep an eye on the Tsirran.

         Anakin walked confidently passed each set of stationed New Republic guards.  A simple gesture with his hand, kept them from following him and from remembering he was ever there.  He continued like that until he reached the room where he felt a distinct void in the force coming from inside it.  He barged inside without knocking.

         Three Tsirran were gathered in the living area, sitting in a tight circle on the floor.  They looked up in mild surprise at the intrusion, and rose to their feet at the sight of Anakin's ignited saber.

         Before any of them could speak, he approached the one closest to him.  "What did you do to her?"

         "If you are referring to the one named Tahiri," said the Tsirran with Anakin's lightsaber inches away from his throat, "we have done nothing.  What is it you accuse us of?"

         Anakin was more than a little startled that the Tsirran had known why he had come there.  Of course, he really shouldn't have been surprised.  As soon as word had leaked out about Tahiri's collapse, reporters would have had a field day with it.  Anything to do with Jedi or Yuuzhan Vong was considered headline material.  

"She's incapable of feeling any pain.  The Jedi Healer, Cilghal, says what's been done to her is slowly killing her and no race in this galaxy possesses the capable to do that.  So that leaves me with two possibilities,"

         Anakin became aware of the remaining Tsirran positioning themselves behind him.  The Tsirran he was speaking to, waved them off before Anakin could do something rash.

The Tsirran stared down at Anakin, who was at least a foot shorter than him.  "Naturally, you think the Yuuzhan Vong or the Tsirran are to blame,"

         "Actually, I just thought of the Yuuzhan Vong, but something my brother said got me thinking," he said, moving his saber in a position to strike at the warrior if he gave him an excuse to.  "The Yuuzhan Vong live for pain.  It would be an insult to make their own kind as well as an infidel incapable of feeling it.  The Tsirran, on the other hand, are quite the opposite of their blood-thirsty cousins,"

         The Tsirran somehow managed to make itself look even taller as it spoke.  "You have my word that we have done nothing to the Jedi Tahiri,"

         He was holding something back, though.  Anakin was sure of it.  "But you know something about what's wrong with her?"

         "What you have described suggests the Yuuzhan Vong are using the ancient battle technique, _ba'kl scul_.  It translates as 'mindless warrior'," he explained to Anakin.  "They used _ba'kl scul_ in their war against species in their own galaxy.  The dishonoured amongst the Yuuzhan Vong and any other beings they captured were altered,"

         Anakin suppressed a shiver.  "Altered, how?"

         "A relatively unknown caste – what you would call 'scientists' – would perform these changes.  They operated in secret, creating perfect warriors that would die fighting for the Yuuzhan Vong,"

         Anakin backed down from his fighting stance and shut off his weapon.  "Basically, you're saying they created a bunch of mindless drones who would follow orders without question, even if that order meant death,"

         The Tsirran shook his head.  "It is much more complicated then that, Anakin Solo.  The Yuuzhan Vong would erase all emotions except anger and hate.  They believed those were the two strongest emotions that would drive any warrior to succeed.  The elimination of physical pain was used to shame the Yuuzhan Vong who had insulted their caste, and to keep lesser species from crumbling at the first sign of pain,"

         Anakin did not bother asking how the Tsirran knew his name.  There was no time for pointless questions with Tahiri's life at stake.  "Was there ever any cases of bodies rejecting the change?"

         "Nothing is without a price, Anakin Solo.  There were always accidents, but the majority of times implanted specimens were a success.  But none of these changes has ever been performed on a human before.  At least not to my knowledge,"

         "And Tahiri's a force sensitive human," Anakin added.  "That's why they brought her back," he said, speaking more to himself then the Tsirran.  "They wanted to see what the effect would be on a Jedi, but she ended up escaping and they thought they had lost their subject.  But why did it take so long for the effects to show?"

         "The Yuuzhan Vong may have underestimated the power of a human-Jedi mind,"

         "How do we help her?"

         "We cannot.  A reverse changing has never been done,"

         He would not accept that.  There had to be a way.  "What about this caste of scientists?  If they put these implants in her, then they can take them out, right?"

         "It is not as simple as it sounds.  The effects of altering go deeper then just the physical body.  They go into the mind and erase all sense of what the individual perceives to be right and wrong, leaving them with nothing but the power of hate to drive them.  A reversal may not be possible,"

         "But not _impossible_?"  Ideas were already beginning to form in Anakin's mind faster then he could process them.  "We'll kidnap a scientist and force them to help Tahiri,"

         It had sounded a lot better in his head, but he did not see that they had any other choice.

         "That would not be possible.  By the time you are able to bring one back, it would be too late.  If the changes in Tahiri are as severe as you claim, she may only have hours or a few days left at most,"

         "Then we'll have to bring her with us," he said simply.  "Where can we find these scientists?"

         "The only ones I know of can be found on Belkdan.  They made home on the first planet the Yuuzhan Vong took in this galaxy.  It is their main base.  The majority of Yuuzhan Vong coralskippers, weapons and communication devices are grown there.  The scientists operate in the guarded compounds nearby,"

         "Then Belkdan is where we're going," said Anakin.

         "You must accept the fact that the scientists may be unable to help her,"

         "I'll cross that bridge when I get to it," Anakin said, heading for the door.  "Right now, this is the only chance she's got and I'm not going to pass it up, no matter how impossible the odds,"

         "You may be strong, Jedi Solo, but you cannot go alone,"

         "I don't intend to,"

         He did not want to involve anyone else in his quest, but it did not look like he had much of a choice.  At least with help, it wouldn't matter if he failed, as long as someone else managed to find a way to save Tahiri.


	10. Acceptance

CHAPTER TEN:  ACCEPTANCE

   A

nakin did not have to worry about finding help for the mission he was planning.  Once he had explained everything the Tsirran had told him about _ba'kl scul_ to his brother and sister, they were more then willing to volunteer to go to Belkdan.  That got him back on speaking terms with Jacen.  How long that was going to last, remained to be seen.

          He intended to bring the one Tsirran, Ha'rnn, with him, since he seemed to know so much about the 'changing' and where to find the scientists.  He still needed to ask Ganner and Tenal Ka, but before he went any farther with his plans, he needed to see Tahiri.  This mission was about her after all, and he was going to be endangering her life even more by bringing her along.  He never thought the day would come where he would purposely endanger her life, but he did not see any other way around it.

          When he entered her room, he expected to find the fever stricken girl he had seen only hours before – and he wasn't far off.  She was lying in the med bunk, staring up at the ceiling.  Her fever was gone and she wasn't thrashing in pain, but the paleness of her complexion gave away how sick she really was.

          "I guess Cilghal told you everything," she said without looking at him.

          Anakin didn't like the odd tone of her voice.  "Yeah, she did,"

          "And you've come to stare at the freak show?"

          It took Anakin only a fraction of a second to respond.  "You're not a freak,"

          "What else would you call me?" She said, turning her head to look at him.  "The word 'normal' doesn't exactly come to mind,"

          "You _are_ normal," he insisted.  "What's been done to you – "

          "Normal?"  She snorted at the word.  She sat up; throwing the covers aside and then began hitting the wall with her fist.  The force of the impact was so strong the wall was starting to crack under the pressure.  "Is this normal?"  She removed her fist from the wall and smashed it into the empty water glass sitting on the table beside the bed.  She picked out the shards of glass that had stuck in her already bleeding knuckles and showed them to Anakin.  "See, no pain,"

          He caught sight of the way she was eyeing her lightsaber on the nightstand.  He snatched it in a force grip and called it to his hand.

          "Stop it," 

It was more of a plea then anything. 

          "What's wrong, Anakin?"  She asked him innocently.  "Does my new talent bother you?  You better get used to it because it only gets better from here,"

          "We can fix what they did to you,"

          "I'm _dying_, Anakin.  My body's rejecting whatever the Vong did to it.  And even if I survive, I'm not going to let myself become some mindless drone for the Vong to use against the rest of the galaxy.  I'll - "

          She cut herself off, unable to put words to what she was thinking.

          "That's not going to happen," he tried to reassure her.

          "Wake up, Anakin," she snapped, growing irritated with him.  "It _is_ happening.  I can feel it.  It's like there's this voice in my head telling me to stop fighting and let my dark impulses take over,"

          He was going to tell her she had to keep fighting, but was overcome by a hot flash of anger.  It coursed through his entire body, filling his blood and veins with it – and was over as fast as it had started.  He became aware of the fact that he was holding Tahiri's ignited saber in his hands and was a lot closer to her then he had been a minute ago.  He couldn't remember getting angry.  It did not take him long to realize he hadn't done anything.  It had been _her_.

          He shut off the weapon.  He had trouble keeping the look of horror off his face.  "What did you do to me?"

          "It's what happens when I let the wall around my thoughts down.  It was the only way to get you to understand how dangerous I'm becoming. It's getting harder to keep these thoughts to myself and not project them to others,"

          He had not foreseen this complication.  It was going to make taking her to Belkdan that much harder with a ship full of force sensitive people surrounding her at all times.

          "You're planning something," she had known Anakin too long not to recognize that far away look on his face.

          "I talked to the Tsirran about what's been happening to you," he explained what Ha'rnn told him about _ba'kl skul_.  "He thinks that on Belkdan there's a way to reverse what the Vong did to you."

          "There's more," she said, noticing his hesitation.

          "You would have to come with us," he said slowly.  "It would take too much time to find a scientist and bring him here.  By then…"

          "I'll be dead or worse," she finished for him.

          "We have to leave first thing in the morning.  It's going to be dangerous.  If something happens to you down there, I – I don't know if I'll be able to protect you,"

          "I won't be responsible for a team of Jedi – which I'm sure includes your brother and sister and our other friends – getting themselves killed when we both know the Vong may not even be able to help me.  At the first sign of trouble we're leaving.  No heroics.  Are we clear on that?"

          "I'll do what I have to do,"

          And he meant it.  If he had to battle his way through a sentry of Yuuzhan Vong warriors by himself with nothing but his bare hands – he would do it without hesitation.

          The Traveling Spacer was not a place to be entered lightly – as was with every other cantina located in the dingy lower levels of Courscant.

          Zekk had his fair share of encounters in places like this, but most times a person was left alone unless they said the wrong thing to the wrong person.  He planned to keep to himself tonight, but sometimes even that was not enough.

          "You're in my seat,"

          Zekk turned on his stool and found himself staring into the burly chest of a fierce looking Barabel.

          "I don't see you're name on it,"

          "You will remove yourself from it _now_, human," the Barabel growled.

          Anyone with half a brain knew angering a Barabel was a sure ticket to getting your body broken in two, but Zekk's common sense had left him three or four drinks back.

          "I'm not moving anywhere, pal," Zekk said to him, "so you better go find yourself another seat,"

          The Barabel hissed and struck out with its scaly arm, intending to flatten Zekk against the nearest wall.  Barabels, though, were terrible at hiding their emotions, allowing Zekk to sense the blow long before it happened.

          He flipped over the bar, landing beside the Rodian bartender.  The Rodian began shouting at him, but Zekk was too busy avoiding the Barbel's next set of blows to be concerned with understanding what it was saying.

          He took out his blaster and fumbled to change the setting to stun.  The raging Barabel smacked his firing arm wide, sending the blaster sprawling to the floor.  The Barabel grabbed Zekk by his collar and hauled him onto the bar counter.  Jaws clacking loudly, it lowered itself to rip Zekk's head off.

          _SMASH!_

          The sound of a wooden chair cracking against the Barabel's skull sent the creature staggering backwards as it lashed out with its arm, sending its unseen attacker crashing into a nearby booth.

          The distraction was enough to let Zekk scramble off the bar and onto the floor.  In the process, he unintentionally stepped on the Barabel's tail – an extremely sensitive spot in the creature's anatomy – earning him a wicked slap on the face for it.  He stumbled backwards, managing to grab a hold of a bar stool to keep himself on his feet.

          A blue stun beam enveloped the Barabel's body but it was relentless, continuing its pursuit of Zekk.  Zekk continued to stagger backwards until he was backed up against a wall with nowhere to go.  The burly beast made a lunge for the Jedi, and Zekk force leaped over its head, but he wasn't quite fast enough and the Barabel grabbed a hold of one of his legs.  Zekk didn't even have time to think of a way to break free, as the Barbel flung him on the floor.

A second beam of stun fire caused the beast to sway on its feet, and Zekk sensing what was going to happen, rolled out of the way as a third blast of stun fire dropped the creature in a heap on the floor where Zekk had been lying only moments before. 

          He heaved a sigh of relief and looked away from the Barabel's fallen body, up into the face of his rescuer – Jaina Solo.

          She said nothing as she tossed his blaster back to him before walking out of the Traveling Spacer.

          Zekk collected himself and hurried after her.

          It was a silent walk back to the hospitable upper levels of Courscant.  Jaina purposely kept ten paces in front of him at all times.

          "You shouldn't have followed me down there," he said when he finally managed to catch up to her.  He didn't get why she had taken on the Barabel to rescue him and then had walked off without a word.  But that was Jaina Solo.  The most confusing and complicated person he had ever met.

          "That's the thanks I get for saving your life?"  She said furiously, spinning around.  "I should have let the Barabel have you,"

          The prospect of facing the Barabel on his own seemed a lot more promising at that moment then dealing with her temper.

"Are you going to tell me why you were following me, or not?"  He said when they reached his apartment.

          "I wasn't following you.  I tracked you down only because I told Anakin I would ask you something for him,"

          "And that would be?"  Zekk said, strolling inside and sitting down on a worn out chair in the living area.  

          Jaina quickly explained Tahiri's situation and her brother's plan to go to Belkdan.

          He lowered his head and let out a low whistle.  "I had no idea," 

          _That's because you've cut yourself off from the rest of the galaxy_, she thought, but out loud said, "he's going to need all the help he can get,"

          "You don't need to convince me," he said, rubbing the painful side of his face where he had been whacked with the Barabel's tail.  When he removed his hand he saw there was blood on it.  "Of course I'll help him,"

          "We leave first thing in the morning," she told him.  Looking at his battered face, she said, "where's the medkit?"

          "Same place as always,"

          She walked over to the 'fresher and began rummaging through the drawers inside.  She found it, but stopped to look at her own face in the mirror before going back out.  A nasty-looking bruise the size of her fist was already starting to form on her left cheek.  She reached out to touch it and winced slightly.  By morning, it was going to look ten times worse.

          She grabbed the medkit and re-entered the kitchen.  She stood over him, wiping the blood off his face before placing graft bandage over the cut.

          This close to her, Zekk took in the sight of giant welt forming on her face.  "You're hurt," he said, reaching up and gently running his hand over it.

          She refrained from wincing.  "It's just a scratch," she said and moved his hand away from her face.

          "I'm sorry," he said to her.

          "It's not your fault.  I shouldn't have stood still like that after hitting the Barabel,"

          "I'm sorry for that too, but that's not what I was talking about," he waited until she was finished with his face before continuing.  "The last time you were here, I said some things to you…"

          "You were right, though," she said softly.

          He said nothing and they were both silent while she finished cleaning his face.  Only when Jaina had finished washing her hands and was getting ready to leave, did Zekk speak up.

          "I'm not going to pretend I like Ganner – because I don't and I never will.  But if he makes you happy…"

          "He does,"

          "Then that's all that matters,"

          And that was that.  It was Zekk's way of telling her he wouldn't interfere with her relationship with Ganner.  Whether or not she believed him, remained to be seen.  She seriously doubted he would back off all of the sudden, and deep down she wasn't sure if she wanted him to.


	11. Emotions Unleashed

CHAPTER ELEVEN:  EMOTIONS UNLEASHED

         The Tsirran ship was odd, to say the least.  It was a nearly equal mixture of organic and non-living materials, interacting together in ways New Republic engineers had probably never even dreamed was possible.  The Yuuzhan Vong would spit at such an abomination and cry blasphemy, before throwing it into a flaming pit.  Tahiri had spent enough time among the Tsirran to know they were not technophobes.  Their studying of different cultures in this galaxy, taught them they would be foolish not to implore a certain amount of technology into their everyday lives.  They were not nearly as closed minded as their cousins when it came to infidels and their machines.  They had learned to integrate the best of two cultures and use them to their advantage.

         On a quick glance, it would pass as a Vong frigate, but a closer observation would reveal the living technology mixed with the non-living.  But the ship was their best hope for landing on Belkdan without drawing too much attention to themselves.

         Even with the Tsirran technology, it would still take nearly a day to reach the Vong colonized planet.  If she could hold on for that long…

         Cilghal had gone through various Jedi meditation trances and mind-blocking techniques in the hours before their scheduled departure.  The Jedi healer had emphasized the importance of keeping her thoughts to herself and cautioned Tahiri to do her best not to project them to the others onboard.  The rest of the group had been warned to keep their own mental shields up at all times.  Cilghal had not appeared overly confident that the shields of the other Jedi would hold if the time came when Tahiri had another breakdown.  Tahiri herself, was skeptical the others would make it to hyperspace before they started jumping down each other's throats.

         Cilghal had not been oblivious to the marks on Tahiri's arms when she had examined her.  Even the densest person would have a name for the condition her lower arms were in.

Tahiri had begged her not to say anything, and they had settled on a compromise: Cilghal would not tell Master Skywalker or anyone her secret until she got back.

         Her arm was bandaged up now, but no one was likely to suspect anything.  She could get away with telling them it was due to all the blood they had taken from her to run tests.  She disliked lying to her friends, even more so because of what they were willing to risk for her, but her situation was complicated enough without going and making it worse.

         "Hey," Anakin greeted her, joining her in the enclosed space known as the storage hold of the ship.

         _Speaking of complications…_

         She nodded to show she had heard him and busied herself with storing the last of her belongings.  

         "You're allowed to talk to me, you know,"

         "We're still grounded, remember?"

         It was a feeble attempt to get him to go away, even though she knew Anakin would never go for it.

         He nearly laughed.  "If that were true, do you really think they would have let us go un-chaperoned?"

         She didn't have a response for that one.  He was probably right.  In light of recent circumstances she figured their parents had lifted their punishment early.

         "Ha'rnn and Bivv say we're good to go," he told her.

"Mmhmm," 

They were two of the three Tsirran accompanying them.  Ha'rnn seemed to know a great deal about the scientists and Anakin had been successful in convincing him to come along.  Since the ship would fly much better under Tsirran control, Ha'rnn had enlisted one of his fellow comrades, A'ern to act as co-pilot.  The third Tsirran, Bivv, was along to provide additional muscle to an already powerful group.

"I wish you would stop doing that,"

She picked up on the irritation in his voice, and wondered if it was her doing or if he simply felt that way.

"Doing what?"

"Shutting me out and pushing me away like I'm a complete stranger.  How can I help you – "

She was barely able to restrain her anger.  "I _never_ asked for your help," she practically shouted at him, pointing at Anakin square in the chest.  "You just assumed I needed your help like you always do.  Since we were kids, you've always treated me like I'm some helpless little girl who needs her knight in shining armor to rescue her at every turn,"

"If you're trying to make me angry so I'll leave, it's not going to work," he said, though his tone suggested otherwise.

She was tempted to open up her mind to him and prove him wrong, but she still had enough common sense left to keep herself from doing just that.  That did not mean however, she had to act like his mere presence wasn't annoying the hell out of her.

"You don't get it, do you?  You can't be my knight.  You can't save me from everything,"

"I can try," he said boldly.

"And you'll fail," 

Anakin took a deep breath.  Maybe this wasn't the best time to say it, but he pushed his uncertainty aside and said, "I love you,"

Her response was worse then silence in return.  "I don't want you to.  You deserve better,"

Anakin was more than caught off guard by that response.  "What kind of nonsense is that?"

"You deserve better then someone who would rather be dead than alive," she confessed, unable to look him in the eye when she said it.

He reached out to touch her face.  "Tahiri – " 

She shoved him away from her, shaking her head, and took off down the nearest deserted junction.  She couldn't do this with him right now.  It was hardest to keep her thoughts under control when she was near him – and his latest revelation wasn't helping matters.  Trust Anakin to pick the most inopportune time to tell her he loved her.  

She had wanted more than anything to be able to say it back to him, but a sudden intense wave of fear had prevented her from doing just that.  It wasn't him she was scared of – it was herself.  She was slowly turning into a monster with no conscience.  She had herself convinced it was better she be cruel to Anakin now, so it would hurt less when he finally realized she could not be saved.  In her own opinion, she wasn't even completely human anymore.  How could anyone love her?

The ship had a peculiar smell to it, but that was not what kept Zekk from moving from one compartment to the next.  As impossible as it sounded, he found himself on edge from the moment they had left Courscant's atmosphere.  A mild case of paranoia would set in if he spent too long in one spot.  It took him awhile to come to the conclusion that maybe he wasn't going crazy; that maybe his whole mindset had something to do with what Tahiri was going through.

He kept his barriers up as he had been instructed to do, but blocking other people's emotions was never something he had been very good at.

Ganner Rysode was approaching him now and Zekk wished he had reached out just a little further with his force senses so he could have avoided Rhysode altogether.

When Zekk tried to get by him, Ganner purposely sidestepped to the left to prevent him from passing.  Clenching his jaw, Zekk moved to the right, and Ganner again quickly sidestepped to keep him from getting by.

"You're in my way," Zekk growled at him.

Ganner calmly folded his arms over his chest.  "That's too bad,"

Growing annoyed, Zekk said, "I don't have time for this," and went to shove past him, but Rhysode pushed him up against the living wall.

"You better make time," Ganner shot back.  "I don't know where Jaina got that mark on her face from – she wouldn't tell me – but I know it has something to do with you,'

         Zekk kept his guilt from showing up on his face.  But he could not help but be secretly happy that Jaina had not told him about the incident at the bar.  "Jaina can take care of herself.  She's an adult, but maybe she doesn't seem that way to you since you're nearly twice her age.  You know, they have a name for people like you – "

         "Just stay away from her, Zekk, and you won't get any more trouble,"

         Zekk picked up on the unspoken threat.  "I think Jaina can decide for herself who she does and doesn't want in her life,"

         "Not when it comes to you.  She just keeps making the same mistakes over and over again.  Do I look blind to you, Zekk?" His voice continued to rise in volume as he went on.  "I know she still has feelings for you and that you're still in love with her,"

         Ganner took his silence as confirmation, but before he could say anything further, shouting, coming from the other end of the corridor drew the two of them away from their own confrontation.  Much to his disbelief, Zekk recognized the shouting voices as Jacen and Tenal Ka's.

         Jacen was not sure how it had started.  He had been having a perfectly normal conversation with her and the second he mentioned Belkdan was when the argument had erupted.

         "If this conversation is leading towards the issue of my health, I suggest you move onto a new subject,"

         "It wasn't," in fact, the thought had not crossed his mind.  "Even if it was, I don't understand why we have to argue about it every time it's brought up,"

         "Because you're obsessed with my health, that's why,"

         "One of us has to be, and it certainly isn't going to be you,"

         He had only seen her angry with him a few times, and each of those times their arguing had turned into a full-fledged shouting match.

         "If I wanted a constant reminder of my condition I would have stayed on Hapes," she retorted.

         "Maybe you should have.  It's not like you're really here anyways,"

         Once the shock of his words had worn off, he felt his own shock as her hand came up and belted him across the side of his face.

         Her normally calm composure was gone now as she said, "how can you say that?"

         "Because it's the truth," he said it as if it were the simplest answer in the galaxy. 

         At that point, their arguing voices had clearly carried throughout the ship because now the quarreling couple had an audience watching them.  For the moment, they appeared too preoccupied to care.

         "It's not my fault our relationship is falling apart,"

         Falling apart?  Jacen knew things weren't the way they used to be, but had they really gotten that bad?

         They both were calmer now, having spoken their minds.  But the damage was done.  It was not the actual argument that left them shaken but the words that had been spoken.  Both had revealed things that they had been hiding from the other for some time now.  Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing.  Now they both knew they had been feeling the same way.  It was just a matter of what would happen next now that what they had been feeling was out in the open.

         They both suddenly became aware of everyone around them.  Their friends that had witnessed the entire argument unfold.

         Tenal Ka couldn't bear to face any of them at that moment.  She needed to collect her thoughts before she and Jacen said any more things to each other that they would regret.

         Wordlessly, she walked away from him and the others.  Jacen started to go after her, he couldn't just leave things like that, but Jaina caught his arm.

         "I wouldn't do that if I were you," she warned him.  "She needs some time to cool off – you both do,"

         He stared at his sister accusingly.  "You think she's right,"

         "I think everyone's emotions are running a bit high – actually a lot high – because of what's happening with Tahiri.  We all need to calm down and get a grip before we reach Belkdan,"

         As usual, his sister was right.  With Tahiri running on emotional overload and her mental barriers breaking down, it was affecting them all.  They were supposed to be able to block it out, which meant her condition had to be getting worse.  That must have been what had helped provoke his fight with Tenal Ka.  But like Jaina had said, they needed to keep their composure and start getting along with each other on the ship or they would meet their end on the Vong infested planet.

Please keep reviewing.  There's five more chapters left after this one.


	12. Instigator

CHAPTER TWELVE:  INSTIGATOR

The landing on Belkadan's surface would have made even the most seasoned pilots go weak in the knees.  It had certainly left Tahiri more than a little nauseated.  

         The group had decided the easiest way to land without drawing too much unwanted attention to themselves was to fake their craft was having severe navigational problems.  They had practically nose-dived to the planet's surface, losing altitude so fast that gravity was crushing them back against their seats.  They had hit the surface with such force she was almost sure she had cracked a few teeth – not that she would have felt any pain if they had.

Jaina, Anakin and Zekk had gone about disabling mostly non-critical areas of the craft, making it look like it had sustained internal damage from an infidel ship.  Before leaving Courscant, they had used the ship for target practice, creating varying degree of scorch marks on the hull, further co-berating their story.

         Whatever the damage to the ship, it no longer mattered.  The Tsirran vessel had gotten them to Belkadan in one piece and now its job was over.  To get off planet, they would steal a Yuuzhan Vong craft from their base.  It had been agreed upon before leaving Courscant that they would not be making the trek back to the wrecked Tsirran vessel and attempt to salvage it – if there was anything left to salvage once the Yuuzhan Vong got through with it.  A fast getaway would likely be needed and a Vong craft nearby would be the logical solution when they had three aliens with them who could fly one.

          Quickly, they unloaded their gear from the craft, knowing it would not be long before a scout was sent out to inspect the crash, and set off for the compound.

          It was taking every ounce of energy Tahiri had left – that wasn't being used to keep her from losing her mind – to put one foot in front of the other to prevent herself from falling behind.  She made sure though, to keep some distance between herself and the others.  It still probably wouldn't do much good when she had another one of her breakdowns – which she felt was on the verge of happening – but it was the best she could do.

         She noticed she was not the only one keeping to herself.  The group had barely spoken since landing.  It seemed almost everyone had someone they were mad at – and she knew that was her doing.  She could sense the increasing hostility between Ganner and Zekk – no surprise there, really, but Jacen and Tenal Ka were a different story.  They were both still quite angry at one another after their revealing argument back on the ship.  Even keeping their emotions as heavily guarded as they were, Tahiri could sense how embarrassed each was at having said those things to each other in front of an audience.  Then there was Anakin.  He kept in front of the group with the Tsirran.  He hadn't spoken to her since they had first left Courscant.  She knew it was because she had hurt him, and since he didn't know how to act around her, his solution was to avoid her altogether.  She had been awful to him for days now, and here he was, risking his life to save hers.  She really didn't deserve him.

         Even that feeling – guilt – was beginning to elude her.  It was getting harder to feel much of anything anymore, with the exception of hate.  She remembered Cilghal had told her losing all other emotions was one of the last stages in her changing.  She knew if that time came, Anakin would never try to stop her.  Not even if she went all suicidal-warrior on him.  She only hoped the others would be able to act where he could not.

         The forest in front of her started to blur and she lost her balance.  She reached out to grab onto something to keep herself from falling, but only found air.  A strong arm caught her wrist inches before her face hit the rough terrain.

         "You all right?"  Jacen said, helping to steady her.

         _If I had a credit for every time someone's asked me that this past week…_

         She broke free of his grip.  "I feel as sick as a bantha, and I'm barely able to keep control of my own thoughts.  Does that answer your question?"

         "Then you're not doing much better then the rest of us," he said, not the least bit taken aback by her attitude.

         "Who's fault is that?  If you hadn't opened your big mouth to Anakin – "

         "If I hadn't opened my big mouth to Anakin, you wouldn't have a chance of living," he said, slowing his pace to keep at the same speed as her.

         "You're just like him," she remarked angrily.  "No wonder your relationship with Tenal Ka is falling apart,"

         She felt him stiffen beside her.

"It was just a fight," he said, unconvincingly.

         She had hit a nerve with him and she pressed on.  "That mark on your face says otherwise.  Boy, Tenal Ka sure does pack a nasty punch,"

         It was working.  He was growing angry.

         "You don't know what's going on with us,"

         "I know a breakup when I see one coming,"

         That was the final straw.  That last comment had made him furious.  It was actually quite amusing to see how fast she had been able to make him mad.  She was hoping to get a response out of him, but he seemed to have gotten a hold of his temper now and had sped up to get away from her.  

         There was still a lot of ground to cover.  More than enough time for her to aggravate the rest of the group. 

Dust was quickly approaching.  The time was coming for the group to make the last leg of the journey to the compound.

         A few hours earlier, Ha'rnn had decided they should rest and continue once it was dark.  A reasonable plan in Anakin's opinion; a bunch of Jedi and three large Tsirran would be a lot harder to spot in the dark.

         The group had made a small campsite and after passing out rations, some were taking advantage of a short nap.  They were taking turns standing guard.  Jaina and Zekk were taking their turn at the moment, and Anakin knew he should try to get some sleep before it was his watch, but whenever he closed his eyes unpleasant scenes played before his eyes.

         He had been spending the last little while watching Tahiri sleep.  She seemed to be having a nightmare.  Occasionally, she would thrash back and forth and mutter things he couldn't comprehend.  Under normal circumstances, he would have gone over and woken her up, but recent events warned him to stay away.  The best thing for the both of them right now was for him to keep his distance from her.  He didn't need to be right up close to Tahiri in order to keep an eye on her.

         "I would have done the same thing in your position,"

         Anakin was startled out of his reverie by his older brother's presence.  He silently scolded himself for not keeping a better awareness of what was going on around him.  If Jacen was able to sneak up on him, a Yuuzhan Vong warrior would have sliced him open before he got a chance to reach for his saber.

         Anakin stared up at him doubtfully.  "You sure you're not here to lecture me on the impulsiveness of my decision and how I'm putting everyone in danger?"

         Jacen crouched down beside his younger brother.  "I know we don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, Anakin, but what you're trying to do for Tahiri is a truly courageous thing,"

         Anakin blinked, surprised.  "I didn't expect to hear that coming from you,"

         Jacen gave a small smile.  "Anakin, despite all the times I've lectured you on proper Jedi conduct, you learned the selfless part on your own,"

         Anakin shook his head.  "If I'm anything, it's selfish.  I knew when I decided to come here what it might cost, but it didn't make me stop and think about what I was doing.  All that mattered to me was saving Tahiri's life – no matter who might get hurt or," he looked at his brother and swallowed hard, "die."  He let his gaze drift downwards, and said in a voice he was fighting to keep control of, "I can't lose her again, Jace,"

         "You won't,"

         Anakin looked back up at him then, and Jacen was struck by how old he suddenly looked.  No, it wasn't old, but mature.  He realized then he had never thought of Anakin as an adult before.  He figured it was because he was his younger brother that he had a hard time seeing him in that light, even when a lot of the time he was more of an adult then most people gave him credit for.

         "I need you to promise me something," Anakin said suddenly.

         Jacen nodded.  "Of course, anything,"

         "If we get ambushed by the Vong, I want you to take Tahiri and get her to the compound,"

         Jacen shook his head in disagreement.  "You should be the one to go with her,"

         "We might as well argue about this now and be done with it.  I'm better with a lightsaber then you are.  It's as simple as that," he said to him, no hint of pride evident in his voice.  He was simply stating the truth.  "I could buy you two the time you need to get away.  And," he hesitated briefly before going on, "Tahiri trusts you.  That's important.  And I know you would protect her with your life,"

         Jacen was reluctant to agree, but his little brother had a point.  "I will.  I promise,"

         And this would be one promise he would not break.         

         It was deathly silent on the planet.  Jaina listened carefully for the sounds of Belkadan's nightlife – but they never came.

         When the Yuuzhan Vong first took Belkadan, they changed the molecular structure of the planet and in the process had killed every living species on it.  It was a wonder some of the foliage had actually managed to survive.  It might be years or never before new life forms finally managed to sprout up on the planet.

         "It's nearly dark out," Zekk said from his spot beside her.  "We should probably wake the others soon,"

         "We'll give'em a few more minutes.  We don't need another emotional outbreak like back on the ship," she said to him.  "It's a wonder we made it this far without ripping each other's throats out,"

         "Ganner was barely able to restrain himself from ripping out mine,"

         Jaina raised a curious eyebrow.  "Did you give him a reason to?"

         "You think I provoked him?"

         "It wouldn't be the first time,"

         "He was the one who held me up against a bulkhead and accused me of still being in love with you,"

         "Are you?"  She asked, bracing herself for the response she knew was coming.

         "Yes,"

         She heaved a sigh.

         "What?  You think a few heated conversations and giving me the cold shoulder for months on end could change that?  You're not the easiest person in the galaxy to get over, Jaina,"

         "What about all that stuff you said the other night about being okay with me and Ganner?"

         "I never said _I_ was okay with it.  I simply said it was your choice to make.  There's a big difference between the two,"

         Jaina rubbed her temples to keep herself calm.  "This really isn't a good time to be having this conversation,"

         Her mind kept replaying the incident between her brother and Tenal Ka on the ship.  She really did not want that to happen to her.

         "There never seems to be a good time for this, does there?  Jaina, look – "

         "Shut up,"

         He saw her reaching for her lightsaber.  Maybe this wasn't such a good time to discuss it after all.   He held up his hands in surrender, not wanting to provoke her further.  Was she really intending to strike him down?  He hoped he wouldn't find out.

         She jumped to her feet, igniting the violet blade.

         Had she lost her mind?  That was when Zekk felt a tug at his own mind.  He heard the words _they're here_.

         It took his brain about half a second to register what Jaina was saying.  He was on his feet and had his own saber ignited in his hand a moment later.

         Jaina silently roused the rest of the group, but by the time they were fully alert and battle ready, they were surrounded from every angle by Yuuzhan Vong.  Cautiously, the warriors advanced towards the Jedi and Tsirran.  Upon seeing the Tsirran, a couple of warriors shouted something at them; their tone suggested the remark was an insult.  The Tsirran responded with a similar tone.

         "Do we have a plan?"  Zekk asked as the group of Jedi formed an outward circle to stop an attack from any direction.

         "No," Jaina replied through gritted teeth and charged the first warrior advancing towards her.


	13. A Not So Easy Decision

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:  A NOT SO EASY DECISION 

         It was a battlefield.  Yuuzhan Vong squared off against Jedi, and for the moment, the numbers on each side were fairly equal.  But Anakin knew that would not last long.  The longer the group remained where they were, the more likely they were to be surrounded by more Vong then even they could handle.

         He finished off the warrior in front of him and then dropped and rolled to the side to avoid getting sliced in half by the warrior coming up behind him.

         He was angry with himself for not having sensed – or more accurately not having sensed – the Yuuzhan Vong surrounding them.  They should have picked up on the voids through the force and made got a move on long before they showed up.

         Rather dangerously, he kept his attention split between battling warriors and monitoring Tahiri's condition.  He had spotted her hidden behind a group of tree trunks, whether she had done it of her own free will or she simply was in no shape to move, he had no idea.  Her condition was rapidly deteriorating.  That much he was certain of.  As much as it pained him, he knew what he needed to do.

         He was halfway to her when a healthy, young warrior landed behind him.  It was the dull thud behind Anakin that allowed him to anticipate the attack before it was too late.  Without hesitation, the alien reared back its amphistaff and heaved it aggressively at him, fully intending to shatter Anakin's backbone.  Anakin would have none of that.  He propelled himself over the warrior, striking out with his deadly blade the moment his feet hit the hard earth.  

The warrior was fast, and was not as easily caught off balance as Anakin would have liked.  On instinct, the creature dropped to one knee, causing Anakin's blade to miss high and wide.  Anakin recovered quickly enough, however, catching the amphistaff in his blade as it was thrusted towards his exposed neck.

         Anakin tried to keep his movements quick and precise, but he was allowing the warrior to drive him back.  His movements quickly changed to the defensive, making it look like the warrior was getting the better of him.  Anakin continued to let the warrior think that, hoping it believe he was getting tired and his defenses were in danger of collapsing.  The warrior drove him back with thrust after thrust, until Anakin let himself fall onto his back and summoned the force to use the low hanging tree branch on the tree just behind him, to smack the alien right across it's unprotected face.

Even a Yuuzhan Vong was not immune to such force, and it staggered forward – right onto Anakin's waiting lightsaber that slashed its knees out from under him.

         Anakin didn't care that despite the injuries he had inflicted upon the alien, it was still alive.  At least now it was in no position to stop Anakin from sprinting away to where Tahiri was. 

         He dropped to his knees in front of her.  She was sweating profusely and she was staring at him with a blank expression that made him want to shiver.

         "Tahiri, you may not like what I'm about to do, but you're going to have to trust me, okay?"

         She nodded weakly and let him half carry, half drag her to the spot where Jacen and Ha'rnn were holding their own over the continuous bombardment of thud bugs being hurled in their direction.

         They helped cover Anakin and Tahiri as they took shelter the dead tree trunks that had fallen over in such a way they acted as a sort of fort.

         "Remember what we talked about before?"  Anakin said, moving to his brother's side to deflect a thud bug with his own blade.

         Jacen looked back at Tahiri who had her eyes closed and didn't respond.

         "What's going on?"  Jaina asked breathlessly as she joined them.

         "Jacen and Ha'rnn are taking Tahiri to the compound,"

         Tahiri's eyes snapped open in horror.  "You can't stay here,"

         "And we can't follow you either.  Tahiri, we'll lead them straight to the compound and throw ourselves right into a bigger ambush.  We'll hold them off here as long as we can and then lead them in the opposite direction for a bit, while you and Jacen head for the compound,"

         "You have to go now," Anakin told them, but he was looking at Tahiri while he said it.  "We'll follow as soon as it's safe.  I promise,"

         He watched Tahiri reluctantly follow Ha'rnn into the depths of Belkdan's foliage.  Anakin wished he could have opened his mind up to her then, to let her know how difficult a decision this was for him, but he knew full well the consequences that would result because of it.

Jacen was the last to leave, but Anakin grabbed his arm to hold him back for a minute.  Neither said anything, but the look that passed between them was missing the usual resentment and anger from recent weeks.  Instead, Anakin's eyes were burning with trust and hope, as he put Tahiri's very survival in Jacen's hands.

         Jacen nodded silently, letting his brother know he understood his unspoken words, and followed after Tahiri and Ha'rnn.

         _Now we give them the time they need_, Anakin thought as he watched Jacen disappear behind what was left of Belkdan's foliage.  He nodded to his sister, and together they rejoined the battle.

         _We're running out of time_, Jacen thought frantically, as Tahiri collapsed for the third time.  He didn't need a degree in medicine to know that the end was nearing for her.

         He went to help her up, yet again, and that was when she lost it.

         "Get away from me!"  She screamed and sent Jacen flying backwards.

         A pair of incredibly strong arms hauled him to his feet.  He shook off Ha'rnn and approached Tahiri again.  He should have been a bit more cautious, but caution was a luxury they could no longer afford.

         "I'm sorry," she sobbed, falling to her knees.  "I couldn't stop myself," she reached down to her side and unclipped her saber.  She threw it at him and he caught it with ease.  "Take it,"

         "I can't," he protested.  "This is your only means of defense,"

         "I'm not as defenseless as I look.  Besides, I don't think you really want me to have that right now.  I could go all crazy-warrior on you at any second,"

         Grudgingly, he agreed with her and clipped her weapon to his own belt.  She would probably do more harm then good with a lightsaber the way things were going.

         He tried helping her up again, but she was so shaky on her feet, she could barely stand without clutching his arms.

         "Sorry, Tahiri," said Jacen, as he lifted her off the ground and scooped her up into his arms.  "But we're running out of time,"

         She did not protest as he carried her the rest of the way through the forest, with Ha'rnn leading the way.

         They made it the rest of the way without incident.  Tahiri did not suffer any more violent outbursts, though Jacen took that as a sign that she was growing weaker.

         Upon reaching the compound, the trio crouched low among the plants in the fields growing coralskippers.  Jacen reached into a pocket on his jacket and withdrew a pair of macrobinoculars that used night vision, allowing him to see the scene in front of him in a greenish glow.  He wanted to get a look at what they were heading into.  He could see clearly that the fields were empty of slaves.  Not a single one was wandering about feeding the growing skips or planting new ones.  He moved his line of sight upwards and got a clear view of the structure lining the area.  The building they needed to get to.  He couldn't fathom a guess as to what it was made out of, but it appeared to be pulsing as if it were alive.  It was relatively large and was almost triangular in shape.  He continued along until he found the doors, guarded by two, rigid warriors.

         While there were no slaves, a quick inspection of the area showed there were plenty of Yuuzhan Vong warriors patrolling the compound.  Jacen would have preferred to wait for a shift change or cause some sort of distraction, but knew they did not have time for either.  Ha'rnn believed they should stop wasting time and enter the domed structure.  Jacen silently agreed, and they took the path that seemed to be the least patrolled.  They stealthy crossed the fields, continuing on without any run-ins from the patrolling warriors.  Jacen thought the prospect of them reaching the structure unchallenged should have lessened his feeling of uneasiness, not make it rise.  He was sure the others felt the same way so did voice the bad feeling he had about all this.  There was no point in stating the obvious.

         Ha'rnn went ahead of them and took out the two unsuspecting warriors with such ease, Jacen was ready for another fifty warriors jump out at them any second.  Ha'rnn looked more suspicious then ever and Jacen didn't blame him.  It was all going a little to easy in his opinion.  And Jacen had learned long ago that things never went that smoothly unless purposely planned that way.

         They stopped just short of the living jelly-like doors.  Jacen put Tahiri down and she stood shakily, but on her own.  He handed her back her weapon and closed her palm around it.

         "You're going to need this in there," he said before she could protest.  "Ha'rnn and I may not be able to protect you if things get rough in there,"

         "You better hope I don't decide to take you out along with a couple of Vong,"

         "I'll take my chances,"

         Ha'rnn appeared to sniff the air and said, "this is not right," as Jacen moved for the door.

         Jacen knew that already, but what choice did they have?  They had already gotten this far; they might as well see it through to the end.

Jacen ignored the growing dread inside him and put his hand up against what looked like the Yuuzhan Vong equivalent of a door handle.  He placed his open palm on the pulsing panel beside the door and pressed down.

         "Jedi Solo, stop!"

         He shoved Jacen roughly away from the panel, but the jelly structure that made up the door was already parting.  Once opened, it revealed a nasty-looking bunch of twenty or so Yuuzhan Vong standing behind a small, slim woman with molting green skin.  She gave the intruders a wicked grin, and without needing a verbal command, the warriors raised their amphistaffs and charged towards them.


	14. Fighting A Losing Battle

CHAPTER FOURTEEN:  FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE 

         It came on suddenly, the feeling of intense power and rage, Tahiri felt like she could take on the entire compound single-handedly.  But for now, She would settle for a little more than twenty well-armed warriors.

         Without conscious thought, she sprinted towards them, lightsaber blazing.

         Jacen was yelling for her to stop, but the urge to kill was too powerful to resist.

         Everything else around her seemed to fade away, and the only thing that made sense was plunging her deadly blade into warrior after warrior and making them bleed.

         There must have been at least a dozen or more of the fully trained Yuuzhan Vong warriors trying to take her down at once, but almost instantly failing the moment they entered her killing circle.

         These worthless creatures had killed her? She laughed out loud at the thought. They were weak and stupid and she planned to make each and every one of them pay for the hell she had gone through since. 

         When one of the warriors finally managed to rid her of her lightsaber, he gave her a nasty lip-splitting smile, thinking her to be defenseless. She gave the alien a wicked grin in return as the two circled each other warily. Without warning, Tahiri charged the alien, screaming and yelling loudly as she rammed him square in the middle of his armour.  Someone of her size should have bounced right back off the muscular creature, but their were forces at work inside Tahiri's body that made her size no longer an issue. She sent the warrior flying backwards at least five meters, until he crashed into the wall made of fleshy roots. Some of the roots broke apart with the impact and began thrashing wildly, grabbing onto the source causing them pain. The living wall wrapped itself tightly around the midsection of the warrior, slowly crushing its bones and tissue. The warrior tried in vain to break free but that only made the roots grip him tighter.

         Taking the amphistaff the warrior had dropped, Tahiri approached the alien, deciding to put him out of his misery for good. With a flick of her wrist she plunged the amphistaff deep into its throat and then pulled it out. The warrior started convulsing and blood poured out of through the wound and through its mouth. It was moments away from death, but the living wall continued wrapping itself around the alien, crushing it's bones until it was satisfied that the warrior was dead and then released him, landing on the hard ground with a lifeless thud.

         Still charged with energy, Tahiri spin around to the sound of mock clapping. Only then did she notice Ha'rnn lying facedown on the ground, two warriors standing poised over him. He looked to be dead, but being unable to sense Tsirran through the force she couldn't be sure.

         Jacen was not much better off. He was in the clutches of the living wall, his arms and feet bound together with the thickset roots.  A Yuuzhan Vong stood guard over him and beside the warrior stood the green skinned woman, who was the one clapping.

         "Well done, Tahiri," she congratulated her.  "I needed to be sure it was you before I proceeded any further."  With false sadness, she looked down at the fallen bodies.  "I hadn't anticipated how strong you would be.  What a mess,"

         Tahiri, breathing heavily, having gotten herself back under control – at least for the moment – could not fight off the sensation that she had met this woman before.

         "Who are you?"  She demanded.

         The female Yuuzhan Vong stood proudly.  "I made you,"

         Suddenly, all the bits and pieces Tahiri remembered from her time with the Yuuzhan Vong came rushing back to her more clearly then any of the nightmares she had had since her captivity. She would be lying on an examination table; dozens of strong arms would be holding her in place as she thrashed wildly in a useless effort to break free.  They had held her down, and when she had begun screaming because she had felt something alien burrowing itself underneath her skin, a scaly hand had slapped her across the face. Of all those faces, there was only one she could partially recall – one that was not gruesomely scared liked the others.  One that was distinctly female, that had stood by, enjoying every second of Tahiri's pain, holding in her hands an object vaguely resembling a needle with a large empty tube at the end.

_I made you._

Tahiri felt her insides turn cold at the thought of what this woman had done to her.

_She's the reason I'm falling apart. She's the reason I'm a freak… She's the reason I'm dying._

Clutching the amphistaff tightly, Tahiri felt herself losing control again. She tried to fight it – she really did, but her desire to kill the monster that had caused so much agony was too great. A murderous glint in her eyes, she advanced towards the female Vong, holding the dead warrior's amphistaff threateningly.

         The scientist did not flinch.  She picked up Jacen's fallen weapon and flicked it on.  Looking calming at Tahiri, she said,  "Let's see how far you have come,"

     She said something Tahiri didn't understand and the roots holding Jacen's right arm in place removed themselves and the warrior standing nearby grabbed onto it. The woman brought the blade dangerously close to Jacen's right arm. Jacen struggled to move his arm away, but the warrior held it firmly in place. He swallowed hard, knowing what was to come.  _A Jedi feels no pain_, he said over and over again in his head in a vain effort to keep calm.

         "You have reached the stage where you feel no pain Tahiri.  I know this by the way you fought.  Now show me," she said, moving the lightsaber even closer, so that it was no burning through the fibers on Jacen's sleeve, "how you react to other's pain,"

          She let the blade drop another half inch and it began burning through the flesh in Jacen's arm.  He tried in vain not to cry out, but the burning was excruciating.  He couldn't even begin to focus on how to block it out.    His cries of pain echoed throughout the corridor.  The smell of his own burning flesh attacked his nostrils, making him sick to his stomach, but the scientist did not let up. Ever so slowly, she continued bringing down the blade a bit further, causing Jacen to scream louder.  It got to the point where he wished she would just slice his arm off and be done with it.

         "Stop it!"  Tahiri screamed at her.

         At Tahiri's reaction, she abruptly stopped her torture of Jacen.  "How unfortunate.  You still feel compassion for others.  That will change in time,"

         "I'll kill you," Tahiri threatened.

         "I think not.  Unless you want this one to die,"

         Tahiri took a calming breath.  She couldn't let Jacen die because of her.  She had to stay in control.  She had to hold on a bit longer.

         "Perhaps, you wish me to torture this one some more?"  The scientist said when Tahiri remained silent.

     Jacen shook his head, silently telling Tahiri she should forget about him and save herself.  His captors saw what he was trying to do and one of them snapped the hand that was still bound to the wall back, breaking his wrist. He stifled a cry of pain and his head lolled forward. He would have collapsed to his knees, if the binds had not been holding him in place. 

         The scientist regarded the look of intense pain on Jacen's face and then turned back to Tahiri, still poised with the amphistaff, a mixture of confusion and anger evident on her features.  "The choice is yours,"

         Tahiri did the only thing she could: she surrendered.

         It was pitch black out.  The moon barely casting enough light to create misleading shadows, but the group of Jedi pushed on nonetheless.

It had taken a lot longer than Anakin had anticipated to completely rid themselves of the Yuuzhan Vong warriors.  But even now, as they retraced their steps, he still worried a few stragglers remained, waiting for the right moment to attack.

When they had been no longer able to hold them off at their campsite, the group had fallen back into the depths of Belkadan's forests, their pursuers not far behind.  They continued leading them on, never fully engaging the alien's unless they had to. And the Yuuzhan Vong continued to pursue, not knowing all Anakin wanted to do was buy time for Jacen, Tahiri and Ha'rnn to reach the compound.

The three of them had been gone for hours, and even though they had been given the time they needed to escape to the compound, Anakin feared something terrible had happened to them.

      Halfway through dodging Yuuzhan Vong and sending them on a wild womp rat chase across the planet, he had felt an incredible surge through the force.  The others had been useless to stop him, as he took out nearly half the Vong party following them before collapsing to the ground feeling completely drained. He knew what had set him off. Even with dampening his link to Tahiri, he had still been able to feel the changes she was going through. It frightened him to consider the possibility that maybe they were already too late, and he wondered what would happen to himself when Tahiri finally lost it.

The attention the others had given him after his spell of rage was short lived, for soon after Jaina and Tenal Ka, collapsed to the ground, frantic and screaming, both convinced their left arms were being burnt off.

         They were still a bit shaken up afterwards, when they realized it wasn't happening to them but to Jacen. After that episode, Anakin knew more then ever that they needed to get to the compound.

         After that episode, Tenal Ka, who never panicked was starting to show signs that she too, thought Jacen and Tahiri were in grave danger.

         A'ern, one of the Tsirran still with them announced they would reach the compound in about another mile.  Anakin gritted his teeth.  Another mile and they would reach Tahiri and Jacen.  It was all he could do to keep himself from running the rest of the distance.

         "How's that?"

         "It's fine," Jacen responded through clenched teeth, just as Tahiri finished bandaging his burnt arm with a piece of torn material from her own jacket.

         She could not help but be reminded of the shape her own covered arms were in, but they were not nearly as grotesque and did not reek of charred flesh.  It was going on three days since she had last thought about cutting herself. She mused that she seemed to be more concerned about hurting others then self-mutilation these days.

She looked up from Jacen's arm and caught his eye.  She was frightened by the way he was looking at her.

         "What?"

         "Back there," he began uncertainly, "you know, when you killed all those Yuuzhan Vong – are you all right now?"

         "Yes," she answered in a small voice, careful to avoid eye contact, knowing he would see through her lie otherwise.  He could probably sense the truth anyways.  And that truth was she still felt the same power coursing through her veins, threatening to take over at any second, and she wasn't sure that she'd be able to regain control if it happened again. She kept that to herself though, not wanting Jacen to be any more afraid of her then he probably already was.

         He got to his feet then and started pacing by the door, holding his useless wrist close to his chest.  His brow furrowed in exhausted concentration as he started looking for a way out of their cell.

         Tahiri watched him closely.  He looked about ready to collapse.  "You should go into a healing trance for awhile.  You need it,"

         "I'll manage," he said, reaching out and running a hand over the living membrane that was acting as a door to their cell.  "Right now, we need to concentrate on getting out of here,"

         As if on cue, He heard footsteps approaching their cell from the outside. He strained his ears to hear what was being said, but the voices were speaking in Yuuzhan Vong so it didn't do much good. The talking stopped abruptly, and Jacen heard the familiar sound of the living jelly-like door opening.

Seeing what Jacen was planning, Tahiri scrambled to her feet and stood on the other side of the door, opposite him. This might be the only opportunity they got to escape, and neither of them planned to waste it.

         The harsh violet light from the corridor shone inside their cell and a lone Yuuzhan Vong walked inside. It barely had time to register the two Jedi before they attacked.

         Jacen threw himself at the massive warrior, distracting it enough so Tahiri to sneak up behind it.  Though what she was going to do being weaponless, he had no idea.  The warrior grabbed him by the scruff of his jacket and shook him lightly.

         "Do you wish to get us all killed, Jedi Solo?"

         The voice was almost kind, making it sound like their Tsirran companion, but the face and arms were covered in fresh scars and he donned the armour of a Yuuzhan Vong warrior.

         "Ha'rnn?" Jacen said uncertainly, still being held in the air.

         The alien nodded and released him.

         How did you escape?" Tahiri asked him, no longer poised to attack.

         "The Yuuzhan Vong do not take insults to their gods kindly,"

         Ha'rnn explained to them how he had taunted the guards outside his cell with derogatory comments about their gods,until they could take it no longer and entered the cell to fight him. They were young and stupid and he had finished them off quickly, stealing one of their sets of armour and both amphistaffs before locking them away in the cell.  He had managed to fool a few guards along the way to finding their cell, but any warriors who got close enough to him would be able to tell his scars were fresh.  

         "Nice work," Jacen said to him.  "Now what?"

         "I believe I know where this _scientist_ is.  If they followed standard protocol when building this facility, the laboratories should be built in the lower levels, carved out of the natural rock.  The one we are looking for is called, Majj'is,"

         "Well, what are we waiting for?  Let's pay this Majj'is a visit," Tahiri said eagerly, reaching for one of the amphistaffs Ha'rnn held in his hand.

         Despite his injuries, Jacen grabbed the weapon before she could.  "I'll bring up the rear.  Ha'rnn, you lead,"

He purposely kept her from getting a weapon, and Tahiri didn't need to ask for an explanation as to why.  He was beginning to doubt her sanity as much as she was.  She didn't think it would have done well to tell him she would be able to handle herself fine with or without a weapon.

"This way," the Tsirran said to them, leading the two Jedi out of the cell and down a deserted corridor.

         "You know," said Tahiri, her tone barely above a whisper,  "most people would take this opportunity to escape – but not us,"

         Jacen was glad to see she still had a sense of humour.  "We're not most people," he told her.

         They continued on in silence after that, following Ha'rnn through deserted hallway after deserted hallway.  The lack of personnel in these areas had to mean Ha'rnn was taking them through the part of the base that was only used in emergencies.  It would probably take longer to reach the lab, but this way they might actually make it there in one piece.

"Down here," Ha'rnn said and began the descent down a crudely made set of stairs, carved out of dirt and rock.

The instant her foot made contact with the first step, Tahiri found all her senses leave her.  She clutched tightly to the dirt caked wall to keep herself from tripping the rest of the way.  Voices were in her head, screaming things she didn't understand.  She was clutching the sides of her head and gasping for breath, squeezing her eyes shut in a futile effort to get rid of the ear-piercing screams.  She felt two strong hands shake her after several moments and forced her eyes open to find herself staring at an equally distraught Jacen.

"What's happening?"  She asked weakly. 

"I don't know," he said, frowning.  "Just try and block it out,"

"I can't," she cried.

"_Try_,"

She did, but the sensation grew worse with each step she took.  By the time they made it to the cavern bottom, she and Jacen were both mentally exhausted.  She thought the screaming in her head had let up, but she soon realized she was hearing the voices out loud now.  She forced herself to continue, preparing to face whatever was the source of the noise. 

They walked into an open cavern and what Tahiri saw made her voice catch in her throat.  She, Jacen and Ha'rnn stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by hundreds upon hundreds of cages with creatures inside banging themselves against the bars and screaming at the top of the lungs.  Their primitive and psychotic behaviour is what took Tahiri a few extra moments to realize some of those creatures were human and most of the others she recognized what species they belonged to.

A feeling of dread welling up inside her, Tahiri strayed away from the others and moved closer to one of the cages.

"Tahiri, be careful," Jacen called to her.

She didn't seem to hear him.  She continued walking until she close enough to fully see one of the humans locked inside.  The girl inside couldn't have been more than a few years older than her, but there was something so primordial about her she barely looked human anymore.  Her clothes were in rags and her long hair was matted to her forehead.  But it was the eyes hidden behind the caked mud and dirt that caught Tahiri's attention.  They had a look in them that caused Tahiri to look at her with the same horror she had seen her friends look at her with in recent days.

         "She's me," Tahiri managed to choke out. 

"That's not you," Jacen said from behind her.

 Give it a bit more time and she would be one of those things thrashing wildly in a cage.  At one point they had been normal, but the Yuuzhan Vong had changed them for their own purposes, like they had done to her.  Now, most of them showed barely any signs of their humanity or native alien race.

That was why she had been brought back.  Her sudden understanding hit her like a slab of a duracrete.  They had wanted a lab rat, and who better then a Jedi if they could manage to bring her back.  It disgusted her and made her want to burn the entire compound down and take every Yuuzhan Vong with it, even if that meant sacrificing herself in the process.

"Tahiri, we have to get going," Jacen said gently. When she still didn't move, he added, "there's nothing you can do for them. Their too far gone to be saved,"

         Reluctantly, she let Jacen lead her back to the path and out of the cavern. The scream's getting more distant the further they moved ahead.

         At last they reached a set of doors made of a transparent membrane. The trio pushed inside and found themselves in a laboratory. Several examination tables lined one side of the room, with living instruments piled together beside them. There were tanks with living things squirming inside stacked up against one wall.

         The two Yuuzhan Vong inside looked up in surprise at the intruders. The female scientist from before, Majj'is, lunged for one of the sharp pointed instruments, but got only half a step before Ha'rnn grabbed her and slammed her up against a tank with a bleak, four-eyed creature swimming around inside a murky coloured substance.

The woman's assistant went to run but a look at Jacen's amphistaff aimed in her direction kept her still.

         "You will help us," Ha'rnn ordered.  "This one is dying," he said, indicating to Tahiri. "You will fix her,"

         The molting skinned woman let out a cold, heartless laugh. "You foolish creatures. You waste your lives to reverse the _ba'kl scul_ when it cannot be done. She will die like the others in time,"


	15. A Promise Is A Promise

CHAPTER FIFTEEN:  A PROMISE IS A PROMISE 

         It was over.  No one could help her.  Her friends had boldly risked their lives, and for what?  To learn what Tahiri had known all along – that she was beyond help; that she was going to die.  As soon as the thought registered itself in her mind, she felt a growing sense of fear welling up inside her.  Until that moment, she would have preferred death to the constant heartache that followed her around day after day – but not now.  There were too many things she would miss out on, too many people she loved that she would have to say good-bye to.  She didn't want to die anymore. 

         "You did this to her," she heard Jacen saying.  "You have to fix it,"

         His promise to Anakin weighed heavily on his mind.  Would his brother ever forgive him if he failed Tahiri?  The answer he kept coming up with was _no_.

         "I will do nothing to reverse the changing," the female scientist said.  "She would never survive it anyways,"

         Jacen felt a spark of hope.  "How do you know that?"

         "The pain would be too great, even for a Yuuzhan Vong to handle,"

         "But you made it so she can't feel any pain," 

         "Ah, but she feels pain in her mind, doesn't she?"  She turned to look at Tahiri, who nodded slowly.  "The trauma would be too much because the effects were never designed to be reversed.  If the pain in her mind did not kill her, the pain from the rest of body, once the reversing starts to work and her pain receptors come alive, would be too great to handle,"

         "You have to try,"

         The scientist stood defiantly.  "I will do nothing,"

         Ha'rnn snarled something in his own language and snapped the scientist's neck before Jacen could scream for him to stop.

         "What the hell did you do that for?"  Jacen shouted at him, barely able to contain his fury with the Tsirran.  He just destroyed the only chance Tahiri had.

Ha'rnn ignored Jacen's angry outburst and approached the assistant next, who was cowering in fear, and snarled at her in Yuuzhan Vong.  He held the poisonous fanged head of the amphistaff near her face.

         Her expression was a fearful one, something they had never witnessed on a Yuuzhan Vong before, and she spoke extremely fast in her native tongue.

         Expression neutral, the Tsirran turned to Jacen and Tahiri.  "She will do it?"

         Jacen was suspicious.  "Why?"

         Ha'rnn quickly explained the scientists were not like other Yuzzhan Vong.  They detested pain.  The Tsirran had promised her a torturous death if she did not help them.  Her only condition was they would allow her to escape afterwards.  A life of exile would be preferable to the punishment she would receive from her superiors.

         Jacen nodded.  "Fine.  Tell her she has our word that we won't harm her, _but_ that's only if it works," he was quick to add.

He wasn't fond of letting off a creature that did what she did for a living, especially after seeing what the test subjects looked like, but she was all they had left.

The Tsirran relayed the words in Yuuzhan Vong, and the assistant responded.

         "She does not understand why you wish her to reverse the changing if it will kill her," Ha'rnn translated.

         An idea had been forming in Jacen's mind for the past couple of minutes.  He looked over at Tahiri. "What if there was a way to lessen the pain?"

         The assistant said something incomprehensible which Ha'rnn translated for them.

"She wants to know what it is you suggest,"

         "Jedi have a way of linking their mind to another's," Jacen began, " sharing our thoughts and feelings – and if necessary, pain,"

         Tahiri fervently shook her head, realizing what he was getting at.  "No, Jacen.  I won't let you do this,"

         "Tahiri, listen to me.  There is _no_ other way.  I wish there was but there isn't,"

         "I can't ask you to do this,"

         He forced a brave smile.  "You don't have to,"

         Still uncertain, she let him lead her over to a pair of examination tables, while the Yuuzhan Vong assistant prepared for the changing, under the watchful eye of Ha'rnn.

         "You've bonded with Anakin before, right?" Jacen asked, as he lied down on one of the tables.

         "Yes," she answered, lying down on the table beside him.  "But not to the extent where our link meant the survival of the other,"

         "Trust me,"

         It took a second for her to realize he hadn't said the words out loud, but had spoken them to her telepathically.  

         Jacen initiated the link.  He reached out for her hand and the second Tahiri felt his fingers brush against her skin, her mind was flooded with images both real and seemingly happening right before her eyes.  Jacen as a child, wandering through the lower levels of Courscant with his sister; him and his siblings playing with Chewbacca; his first day at the Jedi Academy; and the first time he saw Tenal Ka.  The memories halted there for a moment, as Jacen let down the barriers guarding his most personal memories.  He continued to strip away his shields, and Tahiri felt herself gasp when she came across the more unpleasant ones.  Chewbacca's death ripped through her like an open wound; Jacen and Tenal Ka in a garden after she ran out from her wedding; her rejection of him; finding out she was ill with a terminal disease; and the constant bickering between him and Anakin about everything from the proper Jedi behaviour to an argument about her in the kitchen of the Solo apartment.

         He was completely open to her then.  Every memory, every subconscious thought were as clear to her as if they were her own.  It felt like their two minds had merged into one, and all that was left was for her to do her part.

         Hesitantly, she dropped the first of her barriers.  Not wanting to overwhelm Jacen right away, she showed him some of her more pleasant memories.  Living with a tribe of Tusken Raiders on Tattione; growing up at the Academy with Anakin; getting adopted by Kam and Tionne… she stopped her memories there, afraid that if she continued they would become too painful for Jacen to handle.

         _Tahiri, it's okay_, Jacen's voice gently nudged her.

         She nodded mentally, not knowing whether or not he understood and continued.  Another shield was dropped and then another, until she reached the part of her mind reserved for her most private memories of Anakin.  They had come too far to be concerned with embarrassment, showing Jacen their evolving friendship leading up to their first kiss and beyond.  But things went downhill from there.  She showed him their argument from when Anakin had found out she had confided in Jacen; Anakin's confession of love for her and her complete rejection of him.  She hadn't done it to hurt him, but to prevent them from growing closer when she knew she would die – and Jacen knew this.

         She hesitated once more before dropping the last of her shields.  She felt Jacen shudder beside her as his mind overflowed with the things she had kept hidden from everyone, even Anakin.  Her short time in heaven with her parents before being brought back by the Yuuzhan Vong, and the constant heartache and nightmares that followed her around afterwards.  He saw images of her cutting herself and the pain of her changing; her constant struggle to stay in control and at times failing; and finally, her desire to live, and not become the people she had seen in the cages.

         Dimly, she was aware of someone injecting something into her arm, and once she felt it crawling under her skin, her insides felt like they were on fire and her mind screamed like the test subjects they had seen in the cave.  Without even intending to do so, she shared her pain with Jacen.  It filtered through him, making it become more tolerable, but that still didn't stop her from feeling like she would pass out if it continued much longer and she knew Jacen couldn't take much more either.  She was powerless however, to try and sever their connection, and they continued to ride out the pain together.

         Anakin and the others arrived in the laboratory then, looking battered and bruised.  They skidded to a halt, taking in the sight of Jacen and Tahiri on the two examination tables, crying out and their limbs flailing wildly as if they were having a seizure, with a Yuuzhan Vong female standing nearby monitoring their vital signs.  Anakin started towards them, but Ha'rnn stepped in front of him.

         "You mustn't," he told Anakin in a grave voice.  "They will die if you interfere,"

         It killed him to stand there, watching the two of them withering in pain, but he heeded to the Tsirran's instructions, even when he saw bloody cuts appearing on Jacen's arms for no apparent reason, and Tahiri sprouting a burn mark on her arm in the same area where Jacen's was roughly bandaged. 

         He didn't have to wait long though, for the two of them cried out loudly one last time before collapsing back against the examination table, unconscious.

         In an instant, the group was surrounding the two Jedi, while Ha'rnn was barking at the green-skinned female in Yuuzhan Vong.

         Ha'rnn translated for the rest of the group.  "She says their vital signs are weak but Jacen Solo's plan worked.  The changing has been reversed,"

         Anakin's joy was short lived when he heard Ganner's voice shout, "we've got company,"

         He closed the panel on the door and short circuited with his lightsaber, hoping that would give them a bit more time.

         "Ask her if she knows another way out of here," Anakin said to Ha'rnn as he scooped up Tahiri's body and held her in his arms.

         Ha'rnn and the female conversed briefly before the Tsirran said, "yes, she knows another way out and it will lead us to where their ships are kept,"

         "Lead the way,"

         The scientist seemed to understand what Anakin was saying and directed them towards a hidden door on the other side of the room.  She barked a command at it and the wall slid open.  She walked inside without reservation and the other's followed, with A'ern and Bivv bringing up the rear.

         Stealing a ship was not going to be an easy feat.  Anakin realized that once he spotted the number of guards outside making their rounds past the skips and frigates.  He had expected to come out into a large hanger bay, but instead the passage had led them outside where quite a few Vong ships were docked.  Keszq, the female scientist who had led them there, had chosen this spot, thinking it might be easier to escape.  She was wrong.

         With a silent scowl, Anakin huddled back behind one of the injured skips that was regenerating itself.  If they made a run for the nearest skip, they would be spotted, and protecting two unconscious Jedi when the fighting broke out would be near impossible.  Maybe, if he caused a distraction…

         Jaina saw him fingering the hilt of his lightsaber, his brow furrowed in deep concentration.

         "What do you think you're gonna do?"

         "Get us out of here," he said simply, getting to his feet, but Jaina pushed him back down.

         "Are you crazy?  Have you seen how many Vong are roaming around out there?  

         He frowned.  He didn't need to hear this from her.  "I have to do this,"

         "Anakin, you're exhausted, and playing hero right now is only going to get yourself killed.  We're all in this together, so that means whatever decision we make, everyone will have a say in it,"

         Keszq did not seem to think that 'everyone' included her, because she bolted from their hiding spot, heading for the nearest skip in her path.  However, she was a scientist, with no training in stealth, and it took only seconds for the patrolling guards to see her trying to make a run for it.  Because she was Yuuzhan Vong they did not attack right away, but when she refused to answer them, they charged after her.

         "There goes our chance at a quiet escape," Zekk muttered.

         "Now we will have no choice but to fight," said Tenal Ka.

         "We will fight," said Ha'rnn, gesturing to himself and A'ern.  "You will take your wounded and leave.  Bivv will be your pilot,"

         "We can't abandon you to die," Anakin protested.  He found himself surprised at his sudden concern for the Tsirran.  But after all they had done for Tahiri, he could not just let them throw their lives away.

         "You won't be," Ha'rnn told him.  "We will be avenging what the Yuuzhan Vong did to us long ago,"

         Not giving a Anakin a chance to protest any further, Ha'rnn and A'ern sprinted towards the mass of warriors beating down the scientist.  Once they were in the Yuuzhan Vong warriors line of vision, they left Keszq, who was now dead, and engaged the Tsirran.

         The Jedi broke out from their hiding spot at a run, Ganner and Zekk supporting Jacen, and Anakin carrying Tahiri in his arms.  Jaina and Tenal Ka had their lightsaber's out and Bivv had his amphistaff held at the ready.  They headed for the skip that already had its landing ramp down.  Bivv quickly finished off the warrior there and ushered the group inside, banging his hand on the rectangular membrane beside the ramp and the hatch began to seal itself shut. 

         Anakin went to follow Bivv to the cockpit, but the Tsirran told him to stay with the others.  He had flown a ship like this one many times, and Anakin would only slow him down because he knew nothing of Yuuzhan Vong piloting technology.

         He was forced to remain behind with the others, and when he heard the skip starting up moments later he thought they were ready to blast out of there, but the Yuuzhan Vong had figured out that Ha'rnn and A'ern were a distraction and were now banging on the sealed landing ramp with their amphistaffs.  The ramp showed no signs that it was giving way, but not knowing enough about Vong technology, he did not know how long it would hold out.  Thankfully, they did not stick around to find out.  The skip blasted off the ground, destined for space.

         He felt a familiar stirring in the force, weak but getting stronger.  He went over to the spot where Tahiri was laid out on the floor.  Anakin was there when she finished coming around.

         She opened her eyes groggily, and gave a small smile when she saw Anakin leaning over her.

         "Hey," she said in shaky voice.

         "Hey yourself," he said to her.  "How do you feel?"

         She let out a low moan.  "You don't want to know.  How's Jacen?"

         He felt the ship rock and shudder and wondered if they were under attack, but when it didn't happen again he assumed they must have entered hyperspace.

         "Jacen's still unconscious, but he's going to be fine,"

         She nodded weakly.  "Anakin?"

         "Yeah?"  He felt her give his hand a tiny squeeze.

         "Thank you," she said, before her eyes closed and she was unconscious again. 


	16. With Honesty Comes Awkwardness

CHAPTER SIXTEEN:  WITH HONESTY COMES AWKWARDNESS 

         Several days had passed by since the ordeal Tahiri had undergone on Belkadan.  She was whole again, and worries of losing her mind and dying were long since gone.  In that short span of time, her entire perspective on life had pretty much gone back to what it had been before her unfortunate encounter with the Vong that had resulted in her death.  A life she would not have if it had not been for Jacen Solo.

         She had only seen him once since Belkadan, but he had been in bacta at the time, recovering from injuries sustained on the planet.  She knew even without talking to him, he would never reveal any of the images he had seen in her mind without her permission.  And she would do the same for him, keeping his most intimate memories secret from everyone, even Tenal Ka.

Like her, Jacen was being released from the Imperial Med Center that day, and she took the opportunity to go see him in the hours before their scheduled release.

         The door to his room was open, but she knocked nevertheless before entering.

         He was struggling to throw a jacket on over his broken wrist, which was now in a cast, resting comfortably in a sling.  His other arm was covered in a graft bandage from the elbow down, continuing to heal from when Majj'is had used his own lightsaber to burn through his flesh. 

          "Need a hand?"

         He looked up at her and grinned.  "I already have, two, but seeing as one of them is quite useless at the moment, a third would do nicely."  As Tahiri helped him have the jacket hang comfortably over his shoulder, he said, "hey, I didn't think it was that bad,"

         "What?  I didn't say – "

         Already, she had forgotten what Cilghal had told her.  Due to the deepness of the telepathic link she had formed with Jacen, the Mon Calamari had explained to both of them that their would be a certain amount of psychic residue left over; the results allowing them to access the thoughts and feelings of the other.  Cilghal had assured them the effects would only be temporary and would begin to wear off in a week or so.

         "No offense," Tahiri began, "but it'll be nice when it's just me in my head again,"

         Jacen chuckled.  "I know what you mean.  It's kind've, um, extremely personal having someone knowing what your thinking,"

         "Have you talked to her?"  She gave a sheepish grin at listening in on his thoughts.  "Sorry, I couldn't help myself,"

         "Not really.  We're both avoiding talking about what happened on the ship.  And it's not your fault, Tahiri.  It was bound to happen sooner or later, you just helped make it sooner,"   

         He didn't need to say more.  She already knew his feelings on the subject of his deteriorating relationship with Tenal Ka, and his secret envy of her and Anakin.

         "So what brings you by?"  He asked, changing the subject, though he already knew what the answer to that would be.

         "I thought we should talk privately before we go home,"

         He nodded his head in agreement.  "I think that's a good idea,"

         She caught the way he was staring at her covered arms and unconsciously folded them across her chest, even though it was useless to try and hide it from him anymore.

         "I'm okay," she said, answering his unspoken question.  "Really, I'm better.  I had myself convinced I was doing it to ease the pain I was feeling inside.  But deep down, I think I always knew I was doing it because I didn't know how to ask for help,"

         "You don't owe me any explanations, Tahiri,"

"I know I don't, but you deserve to know after what you went through for me," she said to him.  "Jacen, what you did for me – what you risked to save my life – I'll never forget that."  She took his hand and gave it a squeeze.  "Thank you,"

         What he did was something she would expect of Anakin.  The two were not so different as they liked to believe.

         "We are _not_ the same," he said, looking rather offended.

         She arched an eyebrow.  "Oh, really?"

         "_Yes_, really.  How could you even think we're alike?  He's – he's – "

         "Impulsive?  Doesn't always think things throw?  Shows total disregard for his own well being?  Hmm… sounds like another Solo I was with on Belkadan,"

         "Yeah, well, you know," Jacen began, searching to find the right words, "I made a promise to him that I'd keep you safe.  And a promise is a promise,"

         "And that's the only reason?"  She pressed on.

         "Yes,"

         The words were out of his mouth before he realized Tahiri would see the lie.  Thankfully, though, she left things at that, not pursuing the topic any further.

         "I should get going," she said suddenly.  It was more than a little awkward being in the same room with someone for an extended period of time who could read your mind at will.

         She turned to go, when she heard in her mind, _see you later_.

         She shot him a look, and he shrugged innocently, grinning lopsided.  "I just wanted to see if it would still work,"

         She walked out of the room then, without another word.  Purposely broadcasting her relief that their psychic link would _hopefully,_ be severed within a week.  She didn't know if she succeeded in hiding she would be relieved in more ways then one.   

There was something to be said about walking beside your best friend, who knew your deepest fears and could look into your soul, and yet for some reason find yourself at a loss for what to say to her.

Anakin had found himself faced with that problem since arriving at the med center to bring Tahiri home.

Without needing any sort of verbal agreement, the two of them left the Imperial Palace, their current path leading them straight through the Promenade.

         At midday, the area was busy with the usual activity of shoppers moving from one shop to the next.  They had to squeeze their way through in some spots because there were so many people bustling about.

         Large crowds had used to bother Anakin, something he hadn't realized he'd grown out of until the citizens of Courscant were bumping past him.  Some stopped to look at him, recognizing Anakin instantly as Han and Leia Solo's son, and proven Jedi Knight.  Not even common civilian clothes could hide his true identity.

         Despite his knew-found confidence with crowds, he gently nudged Tahiri and she took the hint.  Carefully avoiding any ground cars zooming through the streets, they made their way towards the center of the Promenade Square.  They took a seat underneath the towering duracrete statue of Mon Mothma, the first chief-of-state of the New Republic.

         "This is stupid," Tahiri said when the silence became more than she could bear.  It really was stupid for the two of them to be acting like total strangers.  "I'm sorry," she said, looking at him.

         "Tahiri, you don't have to do this,"

         She shook her head.  "No, I need to.  Anakin, I've treated you like bantha fodder this past week, and even before that I was keeping you at arm's length.  It wasn't because I wanted to.  I kept the truth from you because I didn't want you to think any less of me,"

         He was silent for a moment before asking, "what is the truth?"

         "That I wish the Vong had left me dead," she admitted.  She was surprised at how easily it had come out, and plunged on before she lost the nerve to do so.  "I saw my parents, Anakin.  I'm not completely sure, but when I died I think I went to Heaven.  My parents were there.  I didn't know who they were by looking at them, but I knew it was them by what I felt inside.  I'd never know such happiness before.  There was no worrying about Jedi training, or where the Yuuzhan Vong would strike next.  It was just a little girl and her parents, until she was torn away from them.

         "I prayed the memories would fade," she went on, fighting to keep her voice from breaking, "but they didn't.  They got to the point where they were unbearable and I wanted so badly to be with them death was no longer something that frightened me.  I welcomed it,"

         She forced herself to look at him, waiting to see the look of disapproval or disgust, but they never came.

"Did you really think I would hate you or love you any less because of that?"  He paused.  This probably was not the best time to bring up the subject of love.  "Tahiri, I would never be ashamed of you no matter what you felt or did,"

         "Are you sure about that?"

         "Absolutely,"

         She rolled up the sleeves to her shirt, and unraveled one of the bandages covering her arm.

         "Still sure?"

         He didn't say anything at first, his mind still trying to comprehend what he was seeing.  Anakin wasn't stupid; he knew what they were.  He just had a hard time accepting what it was that he was looking at.

         "It's disgusting, I know,"

         "Tahiri – "

         "I thought I could handle it," she rambled on, shaking more than ever now and Anakin pulled her close.  "I wanted to prove I could take care of myself, but like always I ended messing up,"

         "Tahiri, you didn't mess up.  You were dealing with more then anyone should ever have to.  Anybody would have reacted the same way,"

         She wiped at some of the tears that had fallen.  "You wouldn't have reacted the same way. I know you Anakin.  You're _never_ weak,"

         "Maybe I just do a better job of hiding it.  But believe me, Tahiri, you are a lot of things, but weak isn't one of them.  You were going through a lot, and maybe for you, cutting yourself seemed to be the only way out of it.  I only wished you would have told me.  I could have – "

         "What?"  She asked, pushing away from him.  "Sat there and held my hand, telling me everything was going to be okay?"

         Anakin ran a frantic hand through his hair.  "I could have done something,"

         She had been down this road with him too many times not to know what that tone of his meant.  "Anakin, don't you dare blame yourself for the choices I made.  I'm the one who chose to cut myself instead of dealing with what I was feeling inside,"

         "I know it's not my fault.  I just don't want you to feel like you have to hide things from me – ever.  No matter what your feeling you can be honest with me,"

         "Maybe now would be a good time to start that honesty thing," she said slowly.  When he looked at her slightly puzzled she said, "ever since I've known you, Anakin, the force and the whole Jedi thing in general, has come so easy to you.  I know that's not your fault, and you've never once rubbed it in my face _intentionally_.  But the point is, you do do it – _all the time_ - whether you mean to or not, by the way you're constantly trying to protect me from everything.  You have no idea what it's like having your best friend think he knows what's best for you at all times.  Maybe I'm not the smartest Jedi or the strongest, but I've learned enough to take care of myself.  Living with a tribe of Sand People five years can do that to a person,"

         Anakin watched the pedestrians strolling past them.  "I never knew you felt that way,"

         "You never asked, Anakin."  Seeing the wounded look on his face, she said, "I didn't say that stuff to hurt you.  I just keep thinking about Jacen and Tenal Ka and what happened because they kept things from each other for so long.  I don't want that to happen to us,"

         "It won't," he promised, reaching out for her hand.  She took it, feeling the warmth and strength there.  He sounded more confident at that moment then she had ever heard him before.

         Tahiri spoke next, knowing the unspoken question that had been floating around Anakin's mind for some time now.  "Master Skywalker's making me talk to someone about everything.  He thinks it'll help to talk to someone who deals with this kind of stuff on a daily basis,"

         Anakin nodded, knowing he didn't have to say anything.    What mattered now was Tahiri was going to be okay again.  It would take time, but he would be there for her whenever she would let him, to aid her in being back to the care-free girl – no woman – that meant more to him than anything else in the galaxy. He pulled her close again, and this time she didn't resist.

         "You're not still mad at Jacen, are you?"

         "How can I be after what he did for you,"

She picked up on the bitterness in his tone that he failed to mask, but declined to comment on it.  He would get over it with time.  Besides, there was a more pressing matter she needed to discuss with him.  "There was something you said to me a while back, but I was too busy pushing you away to tell you the truth," she said in a soft voice, though Anakin managed to hear it clearly above the rest of the noise going on around them.  "I love you too," she whispered into his shoulder.

         Those words made everything they had gone through seem that much more worth while, as they sat together watching the crowds pass them by.  He forgot about Jacen and the war and everything else going on around them.  None of that seemed to matter anymore.  He had her back now and everything was going to be okay.

THE END 

Love it?  Hate it?  Let me know because I'm in the midst of writing a sequel.


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